Kitaku
by Ciircee
Summary: ExT sequel to 'Haikei'. Finished! Whoo! Now complete! Part of Third Arc universe.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I'm not part of CLAMP and they don't know I've done this.  I haven't made a dime and I'm not expecting to get sued.  I don't own any of the song lyrics you find quoted here, nor do I have permission to use them.  I don't suspect that they'd care.  Some of the bands, like Gravity Crush, Karma, Luckie Strike, and a few others can be heard here: http://www.stellarexpress.net –go to 'Cool Linx' and select the first link 'Voltage Razor'.   C'mon, take a listen, they're **_good.  Since it doesn't seem as though the hyperlinks work, head for my website and hit 'home' then head into Cool Linx.  Also, sometimes the words fit the situation, sometimes it's the melody.  Sometimes I just like the song/words/melody.  Any problems?  _**

Author's Note: Takes place roughly a week after the events in 'Haikei' and it's _vitally important to read that __first.  It won't hurt, dulcets, I promise.  Serious ExT coming, kittens, it includes 'adult themes'; ratings for that as well as the emotional aspects.  _

Dedication: To Chelle-sama for being the best person _ever.  Chelle-sama encourages me, entertains me and offers to kick my ass on a regular basis.  I couldn't live without her.  To the fanfic authors who entertain and inspire me.  To all of those wonderful people (Linda, I'm looking at you) who offered me mind-bending praise on 'Haikei' and won my adoration—I'm almost afraid to post this. (Chelle-sama: You've got to remember who you're writing for; Is it for them or for me? ^.^)  And to the readers, for being.___

http://www.evolutionnyc.com/IBS/SimpleCat/Product/asp/product-id/227797.html  This will be important later on.  Have a look now. ^.~  Copy/paste sucks, I know, but open another window…it'll be funny in the upcoming parts.

_Kitaku___

Mizuki Kaho has heard the phone at Reed Manor ring millions of times. She's seen Eriol use it often. He's only called Tomoeda twice, and Kaho does not count the first time; that first time it was Sakura-chan and it was a very definitely an emergency. The phone has only rung once in the middle of the night with a caller who spoke Japanese.

She does not want to be on this airplane. She does not want to sit next to Akizuki-san and Eriol for the next twenty hours. She does not want to go to Tomoeda now. The _only time_ was last night; this morning, actually. Very, very early this morning. She wishes she hadn't answered the phone. Doesn't know why it's even on her side of the bed. Her student's parents don't even call her at home; they call the school when they need to talk to her. But she _had_ answered it.

"Hello?" She'd slapped the speaker button on the phone; too groggy and disoriented to pick up the receiver. There had been a very pronounced pause and the crackle of long distance static. Then…her voice had been older and choked with tears, but Kaho had recognized it at once; even before Eriol had lunged across the bed.

"Onegai…Eriol-san?" 

"Tomoyo-san?!" It had been the only time she'd heard him panicked. 

He had been answered by a sudden sob from the phone. "Eriol-san!" He'd grabbed the receiver and slapped off the speaker. She'd only heard his portion of the conversation after that, while he'd paced the room shrugging clothes on over his pajamas. 

"Tomoyo-san, are you alright? Are you hurt?" A pause. "You're sure? And everybody else?" A deep sigh and sudden relaxation to his tense shoulders. "Thank god. I thought…" Another pause and he'd tensed. "No, it's all right…it is…You did, but…" He'd been suddenly angry. "It is NOT 'nothing', Tomoyo-san! And I don't care WHAT time it must be here! I WANT you to 'bother' me with it!" A longer pause and his voice had been gentle. "I'm not angry. No. No. I do that when I'm worried…yes…I am, yes…I'm very worried about my friend Tomoyo-san." He'd slipped out of the room then, heading for the study Kaho was sure. His voice had been soft and sweet as he'd asked,"What's happened to my friend Tomoyo-san?" It was the last she had heard, but he hadn't come back to bed.

The worst part, she thinks now, is that he'd already had the plane tickets a week ago. He'd bought them the same day that he'd gotten a package full of small paintings from Daidouji-chan. A foolish, silly thing, she thinks, to pretend that Eriol is any different than what he is. But when she had said as much a wall had slammed down in his eyes and he'd walked very carefully to his study. He'd had new stationary then and she thinks that this is significant.

Is there somewhere else to be  
Take me in  
I want out  
~~ Somewhere Else to Be; VAST, Visual Audio Sensory Theater 

"Take the bags to the Tomoeda Towers Inn; the hotel staff will see them to the right rooms." Eriol told the taxi driver as he paid him. Kaho blinked at him.

"We're taking another taxi?" She asked, a bit snappish, and Eriol remembered that she hated traveling. He smiled outwardly, even as he winced inwardly.

"No, I've rented us a car. I thought it might be useful. And Spinel can come with us then. Comfortably." He widened his smile and hoped that she'd let it go. She didn't.

"I see. You know that I don't like to drive."

Nakuru smiled brightly, unnaturally perky after a twenty-hour flight. "I can drive. Or Eriol. I taught him!" Eriol sighed as Kaho winced. "I'm soooo glad to be back in Tomoeda! With all the pretty festivals and the flowers and the dresses and Touya-kun!"

"San." Spinel muttered from the depths of Eriol's coat. "Touya-san. He's too old, and too dignified, to be 'kun' to you."

Ruby Moon hugged Eriol tightly in an effort to squash Spinel. A gesture Eriol appreciated since pulling Spinel out of his pocket to pinch his cheeks would have drawn undue attention. "He'll always be my To-ya-kun, just like you'll always be my Suppi-chan!" She trilled. Eriol went to fetch the rental car, grateful for the quiet as he pulled it around to the front of the airport.

"Right. Let's get to the Inn then. I need a hot bath and a decent bed." Kaho declared once they'd all gotten into the car and Spinel had been released from the pocket. Ruby Moon stared openly at her, mouth agape. "What?!" Kaho snapped, and then visibly calmed herself. "Forgive me, Akizuki-san. What seems to trouble you?" She asked politely.

"We have to go to Tomoyo-chan's first." She told her. "I asked Eriol about it on the plane."

"No. First, we're going to the hotel. Eriol will see Daidouji-san after school tomorrow."

Eriol cleared his throat, reluctant to add to the discord. "I'm sorry, Kaho. But I do need to see Tomoyo-san first. She was very upset last night."

"I can't see why." Kaho admitted. "So her mother is getting married. Kinomoto-sensei is a good man, a great father. Daidouji-san should be happy."

"And she is." Eriol agreed and wished that he'd taken time to get some aspirin. "But it was a rather large shock for her, especially since Sakura-san and Fujitaka-sensei told her about it by accident before he mother finished telling her." He smiled soothingly at Kaho. "I just want to be sure that she's alright."

"I'm sure she's fine. I'm tired, I'm sure that you are too, Eriol. Let's go to the hotel first." Her voice was calming, but it grated. This was important, not just some whim, and he didn't like her to treat it as such. He needed to explain that somehow.

"We'll go to the Inn after I see Tomoyo-san." His voice was softened iron. "Kaho, I told you about her mother's relationship to Sakura-san's mother, right? And the way she felt toward Sakura-san's father?" He waited for Kaho's silent nod. "It's a very big change to go from the one to the other, Kaho, and I haven't been home to answer the phone if she tried to call again. I need to make sure that Tomoyo-san is okay."

"It's a moot point," Spinel pointed out. "As we're already here."  He nodded at the gates.  "I suppose we need to ring to get in?"

"I'll do it!" Ruby Moon bounced out of the car and slapped her hand over the intercom button. "Tomoyo-chaaaaaan!" She called into the speaker. "Come let us in, Tomoyo-chan!"

"Akizuki-san, really." Kaho snapped. "Do be more polite about it, they certainly weren't expecting us."

"Ruby Moon," Eriol murmured. "I think you need to let up on the button so that they can talk to us."

"To-mo-yo-cha-n!" Ruby Moon trilled. "We came all the way from England and I'm going to pass-out, I'm so sleepy!" In the backseat, Spinel snorted. "Suppi is here too! You'll let Suppi in, won't you Tomoyo-chan?"

"Ruby Moon."

"TOMOYO-CHAN!" 

"Akizuki-san!"

"Idiot."

The gate swung open. "Suppi said the magic word!" Ruby Moon squealed jumping back into the car and scooping Spinel off the seat. "Good job, Suppi!" Spinel submitted, as he had no choice in the matter, to a rather enthusiastic hug.

"We won't be staying long." Eriol warned suddenly. "Tomoyo-san has Choir competition in Tokyo tonight." He winced at the wail of protest Nakuru released. Next time, he thought, he'd bring aspirin.

"So," He felt Kaho's stare as a physical thing. "We came all this way, after all that time on the plane, for a five minute visit?"

Eriol parked the car in front of the house without a word. This was not the time for a petty argument. He'd made his plans, and his reasons, clear on the drive. "You can stay in the car, if you'd like." He told her, striving for calm. Kaho returned his offer with a withering glare. He didn't really notice it, because Tomoyo-san had just emerged from the door, dressed in her Choir uniform.

"Konbanha" He offered hopefully, suddenly uncertain of himself. Perhaps this was one large shock to add to the shock she'd gotten the day before. And really, she hadn't been expecting them…

"Bonsowa-ru" Tomoyo replied absently, staring at them and blinking hard, as though uncertain that they were really what she was seeing. Eriol felt his stomach sink.

"I did say, in my last letter, that there was a surprise coming." He opened his arms to indicate himself and Ruby Moon and Spinel, who'd just emerged from the car and hoped that she'd actually received his letter. "Surprise?" 

Tomoyo blinked and was most likely, Eriol reflected, about to answer him or at least say _something_ to him when Ruby Moon pounced. "Tomoyo-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Tomoyo-chan!" She squealed, gathering Tomoyo in a hug normally reserved for Eriol himself when he'd had a long trip abroad. "Tomoyo-ch_aaaaaaan_!" Tomoyo patted her back gently.

"Hello, Ruby Moon." Was all she managed before being thrown aside in favor of somebody else.

"Fujitaka-_sensei_!" The sensei in question braced himself as he was scaled.

Eriol caught Tomoyo before she could do more than stumble a few steps. "Ruby Moon," he told the laughing girl that was suddenly in his arms "is happy to see you."

"I think she's very happy to see everybody." Tomoyo smiled.

"Did you miss me, Fujitaka-sensei? Did you? I missed you!"

"Ruby Moon-no baka." Spinel sighed, hovering. "Kinomoto-sensei barely knows you." Ruby Moon glared at Spinel from where she was perched nearly on Kinomoto-sensei's shoulder.

"That, _Spinel, doesn't mean that he didn't miss me." She nuzzled her cheek along Fujitaka's and gazed meaningfully into his eyes. "Did To-ya-kun miss me lots and lots and lots?"_

Fujitaka, with the unfailing patience of a saint and the ease of somebody long accustomed to dealing with hyper-active guardians, peeled Ruby Moon off of him and set her gently on her feet. "I've heard Touya-kun mention your name many times." He smiled pleasantly. Eriol snorted; and people thought Fujitaka-sensei was innocent and pure.

"Touya-san has been teasing him about Mother." Tomoyo murmured impishly. "Payback is what it is, ne?"

"It is." Daidouji Sonomi appeared, quite possibly, out of thin air. "And you are Hiiragizawa Eriol-san, right?"

"I am." Eriol was about to bow when he realized that he still had a firm hold on Tomoyo. He felt his ears heat. "Oh, gomen, Tomoyo-san!" He released her and turned back to her mother. Sonomi had one eyebrow arched ever so slightly, mouth quirked up in a tiny, tiny smile. Eriol felt like he was under a dissecting microscope. "I was helping her to her feet… Ruby Moon was…"

"Excited. I've seen." Sonomi's smile widened. "She's still attacking Fujitaka-sensei." She tilted her head, watching. "He handles her well." Her eyes narrowed. "I know that manner." Eriol had the sudden impulse to cringe away from her. Fujitaka must have felt it, or caught Sonomi's look, because he smiled cheerfully.

"Akizuki-san!" Kaho spoke for the first time since they'd exited the car. "Stop pestering Kinomoto-sensei!" Nakuru stopped and stilled. Kaho turned to Sonomi. "I must apologize for the intrusion, Daidouji-sama." 

"It's no bother." Sonomi waved the apology away. "I did tell Hiiragizawa-san to come to see us the next time he was in Japan. And I'm looking forward to meeting the other guardians. Tomoyo tells me, and I can see that it's very obvious, that Ruby Moon-san and Spinel Sun-san are very different from Yue-san and Kero-kun. You'll all stay for lunch, won't you please?"

Tomoyo frowned. "When did you invite Eriol-san to visit?"

Eriol and Sonomi shared one, quick, slightly horrified look before being saved by the bell. Or rather, by the bodyguard. "Tomoyo-sama? It's nearly time to leave for the competition. Are you ready to go, please?"

"Just a moment, Kinuye-san!" She turned with an apologetic smile on her face. "I've got to finish getting ready; perhaps I'll see you tomorrow?" Eriol was nodding when a question suddenly sparked in Tomoyo's eyes. "Eriol-san? What _are you doing here? You didn't come all this way because of my phone __call, did you? Because I was fine after I talked to you…It was just a shock that was all and I…"_

"I bought the tickets last week." Eriol smiled, cutting her off before she could apologize. "I thought…" His felt his smile become something slow and sweet and utterly happy. "I thought that my father would have wanted me to visit my friends in Japan more often."

Tomoyo beamed, ducking her head slightly as a blush lit her features. "I'm sure he would have wanted that." She agreed softly. "I'm glad that you came, Eriol-san, I…

"Tomoyo-sama!" And Tomoyo grinned ruefully, turned on her heel, and darted across the lawn.

Sonomi had a look of great speculation as she glanced after Tomoyo. "Hmm. The competition is only for a few hours. Would you like to come back for dinner?" 

"It's been a long flight, Daidouji-sama." Kaho stated firmly above Ruby Moon's happy acceptance. "With the exception of Akizuki-san, we're all very tired."

"I understand; it was rude of me to ask you to stay without considering your traveling." Sonomi apologized. She turned an innocent smile that Eriol didn't trust for more than a second, on him. "Perhaps another time, then?"

Kaho was already sliding back into the car, having pulled Ruby Moon away from the newest object of her affection. Eriol smiled hopefully at her baleful look before turning back to Sonomi. "Most definitely."

Looking all around the room   
I see the clutter in the gloom  
I'm not only back  
I'm not only numb  
~~ Not Only Numb; Gin Blossoms, Congratulations I'm Sorry 

"Eriol, what are you doing?" She asks, even though she's aware that what he's doing is perfectly obvious. He finishes knotting the school tie and grins broadly at himself, and her, in the mirror.

"Tomoyo-san has it on good authority that every year Yamazaki-san makes a New Years wish for me to come back to school in Tomoeda." He grins again and grabs his school satchel up from the dresser. She feels herself frown slightly; he's kept it? All this time? She wonders why she didn't see it when they were packing or, for that matter, when they moved to Reed Manor in the first place.

"It's a nice thought, Eriol, but you can't stay after the bell. I thought we'd visit my parents this morning." She tells him, smiling and wondering where he got the uniform to begin with.

"I've got permission to stay for Homeroom and the morning classes." His smile is utterly charming. She wonders, vaguely, why she doesn't feel charmed. "I spoke with the school when I bought the plane tickets."

"Ah." She frowns, following him as he makes his way to the common room of their suite. "This afternoon then. We can have dinner with them."

"Do I look like a University student?" Akizuki-san has bounded out of her room, dressed rather outrageously as usual. "I'm going to go with To-ya-kun and Yukito-san to all their classes and then they're going to buy me mochachinos at Café Piffle Princess and then we're going to see a movie! And get lunch and dinner and popcorn together. Just the three of us. Until I can get rid of Yukito-san and have Touya-kun all to myself."

"Ruby Moon," Spinel sighs. "Murder and kidnap are still illegal here." Akizuki laughs and looks amused and only mildly affronted. It's a grating sound, irritating and out of place.

"Suppi!" Scandalized giggles. "Touya-kun and Yukito-san missed me! Fujitaka-sensei said so. They talk about me, he said." She swats at the hovering cat; Akizuki, Kaho muses, probably thinks it's affectionate and cute. "Besides, I want to see their apartment." A smile. "We've never lived in an apartment, Suppi. Do you think it's fun? Eriol, is living in an apartment fun? Did Xiao-Lang say?"

"I'm sorry, Kaho." He ignores his creations, kisses her fingers briefly, more of an afterthought, she thinks, then real affection. "I made plans with Fujitaka-sensei to see him this afternoon."

"Ohhh," Akizuki trills and Kaho has the sudden urge to slap her. "But Suppi will be lonely all by himself! I mean…"

Eriol breaks in before Akizuki-san can bother to apologize to her for thinking that she's not suitable company for Spinel Sun. "Spinel is coming with me. He and Cerberus have some catching up of their own to do." Spinel snorts. "What? You like Cerberus."

"Like fun, I do." Spinel retorts, climbing nimbly into the school bag that Eriol is holding open. "Let me out at the wood at the back of the school. If I have to see Idiot-san today then I'm not spending my morning crammed in with your books." They are, the three of them, heading out the door without a word to her. She is stung.

"Eriol!" He backtracks quickly at the hurt and indignation in her voice. Hugs her briefly.

"We'll go see your parents soon. Tomorrow, perhaps. Okay?" A light kiss on her cheek and he is gone. And why didn't he see what is really bothering her?

_These notes are marked return to sender  
I'll save this letter for myself  
I wish you only knew  
How good it is to see you  
~~ See You; Foo Fighters, The Colour and the Shape_

"Tomoyo-chan? Why did you bring your video camera to school?" Sakura asked as she dropped her book bag onto her desk. 

"Shhh, Sakura-chan." Tomoyo heard herself giggle quietly. "I don't want Yamazaki-san to hear you."

Behind Sakura, Syaoran studied Tomoyo carefully. "What's happening with Yamazaki-kun?" 

"Shh." She reminded him and trained her camera on the door, widened the view to get a better angle. "I'm so glad we sit in the back, I've got a really great shot." She murmured. "It should be soon." Out of the corner of her eye she caught Sakura-chan and Li-kun trading 'looks' with each other and wished she had another camera. She heard herself giggle again. "I should just move to the front of the room—it's going to be pandemonium anyway."

"Tomoyo-chan, did Eriol-san call again?" Sakura asked, looking from the front of the room to the video camera.

"No, Sakura-chan. He didn't call at all." Which was true. Mostly.  Or at least, not in the sense that Sakura meant. "I just thought that something might happen today." Tomoyo didn't take her eyes off of the view presented by her camera. When she'd asked Kinomoto-sensei to not tell Sakura-chan about Eriol-san's visit she hadn't had this moment in mind, but it was turning out to be an unexpected bonus.

"Take your seats, class." Terada-sensei strolled to the front of the room. "The bell is going to ring in a moment."

"It's weird having Terada-sensei teaching homeroom again." Li-kun whispered, leaning forward so that both she and Sakura-chan could hear him. "What are the odds, really, that they'd get him to fill in for Iwao-sensei while she teaches in Hong Kong?"

"I think it's weirder for Rika-chan." Sakura whispered, leaning back. "Rika-chan said that she and Terada-sensei had to always hide what they felt before. Now they're married and don't have to hide and he's our teacher again."

"Shhh." Tomoyo whispered. "It's soon." 

"We'll be having a special visitor, class." Terada-sensei said, after taking roll. "Yamazaki-san, sit down." He sighed as Yamazaki tensed and half rose out of his seat, eyes whipping over to the door.

"He never really got over Hiiragizawa, huh?" Syaoran muttered. 

"It was worse when you were gone." Sakura told him.

"It was." Tomoyo agreed, lowering the camera to smile at her friends. "The only time we got a transfer student, and the door opened to reveal a girl, he cried. Chiharu-chan had to take him to the infirmary to calm down."

"Really?" He sounded impressed.

"Well, mostly." Sakura flashed a dimpled grin. "But we thought for sure he would cry. Terada-sensei sent him out to get a drink of water."

"He sent Chiharu-chan after him." Tomoyo added. "And then we didn't get another new student until you came back." She cocked her head, listening as Terada explained about the 'special visitor'. "Soon." She muttered, bringing her camera back up. "Li-kun, get ready."

"Get ready for what?" He asked, but it was drowned out by the sound of the door sliding open and the words:

"Ohayougozaimasu, Hiiragizawa Eriol desu." Yamazaki vaulting out of his desk, screaming incoherently and throwing his arms around Eriol overlaid most of what he said.

"You came _back_!" Yamazaki shouted, hugging him madly. "You came back too!" He whipped around, still clutching Eriol. His eyes lighted on the very astonished Syaoran. "You're _both_ back!" Tomoyo stifled her giggles as she filmed Yamazaki dragging Eriol down the aisle and pulling Syaoran up out of his seat.

"Ow!" They said as Yamazaki trust them together so hard that they knocked heads. He stepped back, beaming, and stared at them. Then he hugged them both. Eriol-san hugged him back, briefly, as Li-kun patted his back.

Tomoyo panned around the room, catching helpless laughter on most faces, Chiharu clapping, glowing at Yamazaki's happiness. Terada-sensei's quiet "Yamazaki…" and his sigh and smile as Rika placed a gentle hand over his, smiling up at him and then back at the class.   "Give him a minute." She murmured. Tomoyo smiled and turned in her seat to catch Yamazaki-san shoving both boys into their seats.

"Sit down. In your seats! _Your_ seats!" He beamed at Terada-sensei. "Is it time for class? We're all in our seats, now." Terada shook his head, smiling. Yamazaki continued to beam as he darted back to his desk, reaching out across the aisle to catch Chiharu's hand in his own for a long moment. Tomoyo felt a soft tap at her shoulder and turned again, Eriol's face filling the viewfinder of her camera. She felt her breath catch at the warmth of his smile.

"You could have warned me." He told her, his gray-violet eyes twinkling brightly. He gestured vaguely at the front of the room. 

She shut off her camera with an answering smile. "And miss _that_?" She shook her head. "You know me better, Eriol-san." She turned to face the front of the room, still smiling, as the class settled into their normal routine. Eriol-san was a warm presence behind her. Tomoyo found that she'd missed this, this having Eriol sitting behind her, quiet and studious and _there_. And she wished, suddenly, that she could pretend that everything and nothing had changed. That he hadn't left, not with Mizuki-sensei; that he didn't love Mizuki-sensei, that he loved her, the way that she'd found she loved him. She wished she could pretend that he wasn't leaving in two weeks. 

Tomoyo closed her eyes on a soft sigh. It was two weeks; plenty of time to spend with friends. Wishing for more, more of anything, would be pointless and stupid. 

But that hole inside  
never really leaves  
When I went away, what I really left  
Left behind was me  
~~ Million Miles Away; Offspring, Conspiracy of One 

Lunch, Eriol thought, was a calm affair when compared with his arrival in homeroom. Yamazaki seemed content to sit close to Chiharu and watch him and Xiao-Lang. Sakura told him the story of the girl transfer student--to Yamazaki's denials--and about how exciting it was to have almost everybody back. She and Xiao-Lang had actually gotten into a discussion of how to best bring Mei-Ling to Tomoeda. And Tomoyo had been warm and smiling at his side. He hadn't realized, until the day before, how very much he'd missed seeing her in person. It hadn't really hit him until he'd seen her, just how much time had passed. Until he'd listened to her speak in soft, amused tones he hadn't realized just how fierce an ache that missing was inside him. It had been odd. 

He'd missed all of it though, Eriol realized as he left Seijou High, Spinel having already been collected by Cerberus if the note for help scrawled in the dirt was any indication. It wasn't just Tomoyo-san he had missed. He'd missed the polite, formal manners and the orderly way of life in Japan. He'd missed hearing Japanese spoken all around him, hearing Sakura-san and Xiao-Lang whispering to each other during the morning announcements. He'd missed Tomoyo-san's hair drifting across the front of his desk; the light playing on the dark strands that seemed to move on their own, though he'd never really itched to touch it before today. That was new. 

"An ice-cream while you think deep thoughts, Eriol-san?" Kinomoto-sensei asked, handing him a banana crème pop.

"Thank you. But they're not really deep thoughts, Sensei." Eriol said.

Fujitaka smiled. "Sometimes they are, even when they're not." 

Eriol blinked. "I'm not that obscure am I?" He seated himself on the low stone wall next to Fujitaka. He'd been intending to meet with the older man at the Kinomoto house, however a knowledge and certainty that existed only when dealing with the other half of Clow Reed's incarnation had lead him to the ice-cream bar near the University. 

Fujitaka continued to smile and ate the bottom of his ice-cream cone. "I wouldn't know. We haven't talked to each other very often. And he certainly didn't have meaningful conversations with himself before." Eriol tilted his head and considered.

"True; we didn't." He paused. "Damn, I _am_ that obscure." He chuckled. "That explains why only Tomoyo-san caught on to me."

"Tomoyo-san is very observant in most matters." Fujitaka nodded. "Sometimes, when it's unexpected, she needs a little time to see what was not there before."

"That's very cryptic." Eriol said, taking a bite off the bottom of his ice cream. "And not very accurate. You and Daidouji-sama certainly managed to hide your relationship from everybody."

"Something tells me that Touya-kun managed to guess." Fujitaka smiled a wry smile. "And Kero-kun most certainly was aware of it."

Eriol took another bite from the bottom. "And Nadeshiko-san?"

"Ah." Kinomoto-sensei managed to pop his scoop of ice-cream into his mouth without touching it. "Actually, it was Nadeshiko-san's idea."

"To date Daidouji Sonomi?" He nearly suffocated on a mouthful of banana crème, and was thankful he hadn't yet reached the top of his ice-pop; heaven knew he would have ended up choking himself on the stick. Eriol knew that Clow's love-for-the-next-life had been a romance-loving, freethinking woman, but that was a bit much.

Fujitaka laughed. "No. Not Sonomi-kun. To take my own advice." He laughed again. "And that day Sonomi-kun came by the office with words of advice from your letter.  So yes."

"I don't…" 'get it' he was about to say, until it struck him. "She meant you should take my advice?"

Fujitaka nodded. "She seemed to think she was being very clever." He smiled. "It was actually very funny."

Eriol blinked. He went to buy them both more ice cream. And, handing Fujitaka his, blinked again. "Wow."

"That's mostly what I said." Fujitaka admitted. He looked down suddenly, studying his lemon ice. "Nadeshiko told me it was time for her to move on. We would meet again, but for now she wanted me to live and be happy. There was something, she said, that my heart had been ignoring for several years."

Eriol found himself blinking back sudden tears. The part of him that had once been Clow Reed, the part that was still connected to Fujitaka, had loved her, and he himself had liked her. He'd enjoyed looking into her life with his counterpart. "She was wonderful, wasn't she?" He murmured. Fujitaka nodded.

"One of the most amazing people I've ever met." He agreed. "And I've known a lot." He smiled suddenly. "Most of them are Amamiya women. Or related to them. Isn't that a fun coincidence?"

Eriol snorted. "There's no such thing as coincidence. Not where women are concerned."

"Madoushi." They chorused, shaking their heads. 

"Cerberus probably doesn't like Daidouji-sama any better than he liked Madoushi." Eriol laughed. 

Fujitaka winced. "He likes her a lot less, actually." Something about the way he said it tickled in Eriol's mind. 

"Daidouji-sama didn't just _find_ Tomoyo-san's tapes…did she?" 

Fujitaka flushed. "Well, she did. After a while…and some…advice."

"Cerberus spilled the beans, didn't he?" Eriol watched as Fujitaka fidgeted nervously.

"Not entirely." 

"You?" He was stunned.  Even _Clow_ had been able to keep the cards a secret from non-magic users and Clow had tended towards 'braggart', most especially where women were concerned. Eriol was certain that, of all of Clow Reed's traits, _that one _had been balanced between them, so that neither would _ever_ be as bad as their former self.

"Not by choice." Fujitaka protested mildly. "But there was baking involved…"

"And Kero-chan is certainly fond of sweets, isn't he?" A sweet voice said behind them. They turned to find Tomoyo smiling at them, holding her own ice cream. "I _had_ wondered how Mother managed to 'stumbled across' those tapes."

"Tomoyo-san!" Eriol felt the smile spread across his face. "What are you doing here? School can't be out yet." Fujitaka said something about finding a table inside and left. Tomoyo sat down in his place, her feet not quite touching the sidewalk. "Don't tell me you skipped school just because you missed me!" He couldn't resist teasing.

She flushed and smiled down at her ice cream. "I did miss you." She aimed that smile up at him and Eriol felt the sudden urge to give his treat his full attention. "But Kinomoto-sensei and I had arranged to have a talk here today. And I have last period free, so I just left early."

"Last period free? I'd have walked you over, if I'd known." Eriol told her, earning another smile. He couldn't help smiling back at her.

"But then we'd never have…" 

Never have what, Eriol didn't know. "Eriol." Kaho's voice cut across whatever it was Tomoyo had been about to say. "I didn't know that you and Daidouji-san were both going to be meeting with Kinomoto-sensei." She frowned slightly. "If I'd have known it wasn't going to be a private talk, I would have liked to come along." Her frowned deepened. "Where is Kinomoto?"

Tomoyo slipped easily to her feet. "Sensei is inside, finding a table." 

"It was a private talk, mostly." Eriol said, at the same time. Kaho raised one eyebrow. Eriol winced. He hated that look…like he was a small child caught in the midst of telling tall tales.

"I didn't know that Eriol-san would be here." Tomoyo said, drawing Kaho's arched look to herself. "Sensei and I also arranged to meet today. I came early."  She explained. Eriol frowned. What did it matter if she'd known he would be there or not?

Apparently it did mean something because Kaho's look sharpened and then relaxed. "I imagine that you and Kinomoto-sensei have many things to talk about, with everything that's gone on recently." Her voice was gentle and friendly and Eriol released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. A tap on the window behind them interrupted before Tomoyo could say a word. Fujitaka was waving and smiling inside. He had more ice cream, a lot of it. He looked as though he was expecting Yukito instead of the girl who would be his stepdaughter. Tomoyo laughed, waving back. 

"I should go inside." Tomoyo said, still smiling, the laugh still in her voice. Eriol had the odd notion that he was grinning like an idiot. Today was a good, good day.

"We should be going as well." Kaho's hand alighted on his shoulder. "We've got dinner reservations to prepare for. To celebrate our trip." She smiled as Eriol turned to ask her about the plans he didn't remember making. "I thought we should make tonight special." She told him. 

"I'm going in. It was good to see you, Mizuki-sensei." Tomoyo said quietly. Her smile had faded. As she turned to go Eriol found himself reaching out to touch her arm.

"I'll see you in school tomorrow, Tomoyo-san." He smiled, hoping she would smile back. She glanced quickly at Kaho before giving him a tiny smile and a nod. Eriol was confused as Kaho draped an arm around his shoulder and drew him with her to the car. She hated driving.

We crossed the line  
who pushed who over?  
It doesn't matter to you  
It matters to me  
~~ So Cruel; U2, Achtung Baby 

Tomoyo walked into the seating area of the ice-cream bar with a sigh and a sad twist of her lips that she knew didn't quite qualify as a smile. Kinomoto-sensei waved at her from his table by the window. She forced a smile and reprimanded herself sharply. There was no hope in trying to pretend things away.

"Ah, Tomoyo-san!" Sakura's father smiled at her sweetly. "You're just in time for your cake!" A waiter appeared as though summoned and deposited a six-layer vanilla ice-cream and chocolate cake on the table. Kinomoto-sensei beamed. Tomoyo stared, blinked and tried to find a response until he burst into laughter. "I ordered most of this for Kero-kun and Yukito-san. The delivery boy is going to take it to my house soon." He started in on a chocolate sundae. "You're my proof." He told her. "If, for some reason, one of them doesn't get any ice-cream you can tell them that I definitely sent enough home for both—no matter what one of them might think."

She couldn't help the laughter that shook her shoulders. "No wonder Mother's been so happy lately, if you always act like this."

He smiled gently. "I only act this way for her. And now, you. You looked like you needed a smile." He said as the waiters began to clear away the ice-cream to be sent home. "So, Sonomi-kun's been happy. How have you been?"

Tomoyo plucked a cherry off one of the sundaes, rolling the stem between her fingers. "It was just a shock, Sensei." She murmured. "I'm very sorry that I ran away like that, you and Mother and Sakura-chan must have been very upset and worried."  She sighed.  "I just needed time to think about it; to think it out." 

"I'm glad." He told her. "Your Great-Grandfather was ready to have me hoisted up on a pig-pole when I told him how upset you were."

"You spoke to Great-Grandfather?" Tomoyo felt her jaw drop. "Even after..." She stopped abruptly, loath to bring up the subject of her mother's cousin. Fujitaka, however, beamed brightly at her again.

"Apparently your mother and I both did." His eyes twinkled. "I told Grandfather that the only person who could talk me out of marrying your mother was you, because you were so heartbreakingly upset. Your mother told him that nobody on the planet was talking her out of her decision, disowning her out of it, or haunting her out of it, if it came to that. You know," He continued on looking puzzled, "I rather think that Grandfather approved. How novel." 

Tomoyo dropped her head into her hands, thinking hard. "You can be very confusing, Sensei." She muttered. "Let me think. Again." She listened to the clink of his spoon against the glass of his dish and the chatter of the other patrons. "Mother knows about Nadeshiko-san?" She asked finally. "That she's been...around?"

Fujitaka nodded. "She, your mother I mean, brought me some very nice Valentine chocolates this year. At my office." He winced slightly. "We had a nice, long talk about a lot of things." 

"Sakura-chan once said that you told her you'd love her mother forever, for over a thousand life-times." Tomoyo bit her lip and decided that she might as well say it all now. "Mother deserves to be loved for herself. Not because of someone being lonely." She looked away and was surprised when Kinomoto-sensei got up from the table and crouched down in front of her, ducking down to peer into her face.

"I love Sonomi-kun with all my heart, Tomoyo-san." He smiled, handing her a wet napkin to blot at her eyes. "She's very special. I thought Eriol-san had mentioned to you the possibility of loving more than one person in life." He said softly. "And he is very right. Tomoyo-san, suppose you lived one-thousand lives after this one. Who, from this time, would you want to see again, in those lives?" He asked.

"Anou," her brow furled. "Sakura-chan. Eriol-san, Mother, Great-Grandfather, Li-kun." She paused. "I...I think I would want to see Yamazaki-san and Chiharu-chan and Rika-chan." Fujitaka held up a hand to stop her.

"Would you be happy, do you think, if you never saw Sakura-san or Great-Grandfather again?" He asked her.

She shook her head automatically. "I'd miss them!" He smiled and sat back on his heels. 

"So." He nodded. "If you didn't have them, you'd be sad. So what are you to do but look for them and love them again? Maybe Nadeshiko-san and I were fated to be together and maybe your mother and I weren't." Tomoyo felt her shoulders relax as Sakura's father smiled into her eyes and took her two hands in his. "But sometimes, Tomoyo-san, sometimes what isn't so important is fate. Sometimes nothing is fate.  Sometimes love and hard work and wanting are just as important. Remember that, that once fate has had its say, it's okay to have your own too."

Tomoyo sat back in her chair as she watched him make his way back to his side of the table. "Sensei?" She asked slowly, biting absently into her abused cherry. "Do you remember being Clow Reed?"

He rolled his eyes cheerfully. "I do. I think that's why I have such a charming, attractive son. So that I could have Yue-san back and shovel three tons of food into his false form and Kero-kun every week. Life wouldn't be nearly so much fun without it." 

"And he, Clow-san, I mean, wanted a daughter, to find Kero-chan and have magic." She smiled. "And Sakura-chan is a wonderful daughter. Just as he always wanted. And you too. Is that work or fate?"

Kinomoto shrugged. "It's both. Sakura-san is more than he expected; different as well. Me, I always wanted more children." He looked up at the ceiling. "I like having little girls call me papa."

It sounded like an invitation if ever she'd heard one. "I have to go home." Tomoyo murmured, standing. "I have a lot of homework for tonight."

"I'm sorry I've kept you." Fujitaka apologized instantly, coming to his feet. "I'll wait with you until your bodyguards arrive, if you'd like." He offered.

"Maybe you could walk me home, if you have time, Kinomoto-papa." She felt her smile tremble just a little as he offered her his arm with a flourish.

"I'd like that very much."

I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground  
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found  
I'm getting to love the thought of having you around  
And I will never let you down  
~~ Never Let You Down; Verve Pipe, Never Let You Down 

She spends her mornings, as she has the last three mornings, doing chores at the shrine.  Her parents, as much as she doesn't like to admit it, are aging.  Soon, she thinks, she will have to take over the shrine or see to hiring a new priest or priestess.  Eriol comes in the very early afternoon, though she thinks that he mightn't come at all if the school would allow him to stay the entire day.  He is rosy and glowing when he arrives, always with a smile.  Quite handsome, she muses, as she finishes sweeping the courtyard.  Her parents do not see him as she does.  His smile grows polite and distant as he enters this place and the laughter leaves his eyes.

In fact, to her memory, he's only worn a real smile inside these walls a handful of times.  The last time, which was the first day that they had come, it was because her father had asked him to sign his copy of that ridiculous book. Eriol had beamed and signed with a laugh and a flourish over his picture.  Oh, and her face had burned with shame.  It flushes even now when she thinks of it.  She'd been quick, but not quick enough she thinks, to explain how that picture came to be on the book-jacket.  Papa had waved it away, remembering Ruby Moon's false form as 'the cheerful youjo' who would come to make tea while his own daughter had been away in England.   Eriol had smiled then as well.  

Spinel and Ruby Moon's false forms had visited constantly.  Eriol had as well.  And so she doesn't understand why he and her parents are so very distant with each other now.  When she watches them together…it's very confusing.   Eriol doesn't stay long at these visits; he leaves to go have ice-creams with the other students, to see a new film with Takashi-kun, to have a visit with Kinomoto-sensei.  She leaves with him often.  She sees her former students, shops in the stores while Eriol and Takashi spin their lies to each other, talks business with Kinomoto while he and Eriol say vague half-phrases to each other and laugh or sigh or shake their heads in confusion.

Today he is late.  She wonders if he means not to come at all today when she sees him walking slowly, pushing a wheelchair and talking brightly to a young woman who is walking with him.  It takes a moment for her to identify the girl as Terada-sensei's wife, Sasaki-chan.  

"Hiiragizawa-san mentioned that he would be visiting with your family today."  Sasaki-chan smiles politely.  "I'm very sorry to intrude upon you all, but today is Great-Grandmother's day to visit the Bird Pond.  She's come every week since Hiiragizawa-san was last a student with us."  She smiles, fondly now, at him.  Inexplicably, he seems shyly embarrassed by this comment.

"Great-Grandmother, why don't I take you back to the pond?"  He asks quickly and she is surprised to see both his and Sasaki's hands make identical movements.  Sign language.  She didn't know he knew it.  Eriol signs something else and Sasaki-chan shakes her head.  The old woman, however, is delighted; she barks out a laugh as Rika kneels and signs swiftly.  Eriol laughs at whatever it is and promises not to run away with the old woman until he's spoken to Sasaki-chan's father.  The old woman continues to laugh as Eriol wheels her out of sight.

Sasaki-chan is still smiling as she stands again.  "I'm very sorry."  She murmurs and Kaho wonders what the girl has seen on her face to cause her to say this.  

"It's nothing, Terada-san."  She tells her.  "This is why the Tsukimine Shrine is here.  I'm sure my parents are grateful to be able to allow your Great-Grandmother use of the mineral baths."

The girl frowns slightly.  "I didn't mean to intrude on your family's time to visit with Hiiragizawa-san." She repeats.  "But he said that he missed seeing Great-Grandmother, and he did offer to walk with me today.  It seems as though he spends all of his time with us at school or after school.  He must not have had much time to visit your family.  And he seems to be such a good friend to all of you."  She pauses, and then smiles suddenly.  "I know!  We're all going skating on Sunday.  If you don't have any chores, why don't you join us?  Hiiragizawa-san has already been invited and said he would come; so you could have a very fun visit with him at the skating rink, to make up for our intrusion.  I will write down the time and bring it here tomorrow for you, if you'd like."  Sasaki-chan smiles brightly again before making her way to the Bird Pond.  

She wonders why Sasaki-chan feels the need to bring the times to her here, at her parents, instead of simply leaving them with Eriol.  And she wonders, as she turns to see Eriol watching her with a guarded face, if he would have extended the invitation.  She dismisses the notion almost immediately.  Of course he would have told her.  He would have invited her straight away.  She knows he would have.

_I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon  
After all I knew it had to be something to do with you_

_I really don't mind what happens now and then_

_As long as you'll be my friend at the end_

_~~Kryptonite; 3 Doors Down, The Better Life'_

"Why don't you sit down and read, Eriol.  You brought along your research materials."  Kaho murmured.  Eriol could see her reflection behind him in the glass.  He shook his head mutely, feeling the press and roll of his forehead against the cool window.

"Is something wrong, Eriol?"  Spinel hovered into view.  Eriol felt a smile curve his mouth.  Spinel was currently a bright, fluffy pink, owing to a run-in with something-or-other and Cerberus.  

"Nothing."  

"You're awfully weird tonight."  Ruby Moon chimed in around her toothbrush.  "Even for you you're weird."

"Now really, Akizuki-san."  Kaho sighed.  

"What?"  Ruby Moon brushed vigorously, affronted.  "He is."

Eriol sighed.  "Did you ever wish you could…just…fly?"  He asked the room at large.  Spinel snorted.   Eriol ignored him.  "I feel…a little trapped, like there's something I forgot to do.  Or something I should be doing.  I don't know."  Unbidden, an image of Tomoyo's smile as it had been outside the ice-cream bar, before she'd gone in, popped into his head.

"Maybe you forgot to get the time to meet Tomoyo-chan and the others at the Aquarium tomorrow."  Ruby Moon suggested helpfully.   "Or to find out what you're all doing on Saturday.  Or when to meet for skating.  I need to spit."

"Maybe it's the fact that I'm still the wrong color."  Spinel said archly as Ruby Moon wandered away.

"I'm going to go work on my music down in the ballroom.  I shouldn't be gone long, but if I am, don't wait up."  Eriol said suddenly and left before any of them could say a word.  As it turned out, he spent most of the night there, falling asleep in the grimy pre-dawn hours and waking only when Ruby Moon hefted him into her arms to carry him back to their suite.  "You shouldn't be out like this..."  He mumbled, heavy-eyed and half fascinated, as always, by the way her wings fluttered slightly as she walked.

 "Neither should you, but you don't hear me harping on it."  She muttered.   She refused to explain herself when he roused himself enough to ask what she meant. Which was why later that morning, after an hour or two's worth of sleep, Eriol knew he was being taxing.  He was cranky and out of sorts and inflicting it upon everybody within his general vicinity.  

"Geez, go to school already!"  Ruby Moon was packing his books for him and shoving his bag over his shoulder.  "You've been a real mister-crabby-pants since last night.  Even before you feel asleep on the piano you were all ratty."

"Mister _what?"  Spinel coughed up his tea.  "The language you use, Ruby Moon."  He shook his head._

"Oh, just because you sit in Fujitaka-sensei's office all day and use big words all the time."  She waved Spinel off.  "Yukito-san thought it was appropriate when I called Touya-kun that."

"You _called him that?"  Eriol felt a small laugh bubble up.  "I can't believe you're still here."_

Kaho glared at her.  "I can't believe you were so rude."  She muttered darkly and Eriol felt his smile fall away.

"Yukito-san said it was accurate.  And Touya-kun said I had a remarkable turn of phrase!"  Ruby Moon protested.  Kaho shook her head and for some reason the sight of her red hair swinging made Eriol wince.

"I'm going."  He announced and, again, left before anybody could speak to him.  He paused outside the door, listening as Spinel and Ruby Moon bickered about how exactly Spinel would be getting to the University.  Kaho had apparently left the room.  He sighed and pushed away from the door.  He only hoped that school would ease his mood.

_Anna why you think that I would never be there  
I watched you sleepin curled up you looked so scared  
But Anna don't care what I say  
~~Please Anna; Karma, Standing in the Light_

* * *

Author's Note: Expect part two soon!  I'm just doing basic proofs and edits.  Please let me know if you find any mistakes (be specific!) as I'm incapable of considering a story finished.  See you all soon!


	2. 

Disclaimer from Part one applies.

Notes: I really, really, really want to thank everybody who has reviewed me and threatened me with death. ^.^  Kali, Freeze, Sakura Angel and too many more to mention, thanks.  Vocabulary words today: Fatis…a type of elf-faerie; the ugliest of them is said to rival Lancelot in looks.  Think Legolas from LotR and Oberon from 'Midsummer Night's Dream'.

Dedications: Chelle-sama, I _adore you.  There's nobody else on the planet that I'd rather share my DNA with.  Finish something for me?_

* * *

School seemed as cantankerous as he, however.  An office worker was bent over his desk in such a manner that he couldn't reach it without shoving the poor woman off of her feet and it was a mark of how very tired he was feeling that he actually considered it.  Yamazaki was arguing with her and Terada was glaring at Yamazaki.  Rika was giving her husband the evil-eye as she placed her homework on his desk and Chiharu was glaring daggers at Naoko, who was ignoring her.  Xiao-Lang was talking in a low, hushed voice with Tomoyo; he pulled her into the corner when Eriol came in—glaring at him as he did so.  Eriol felt himself frown and decided to deal with the office personnel first.

"Is there something wrong?"  He asked as politely and pleasantly as he could.

"Oh, no, of course not.  I'm just measuring the desk, checking it out."  The woman beamed.  "Terada-sensei said that perhaps now this class would be able to accept a new student."

"He's not leaving for another week."  Yamazaki said stoutly, folding his arms.

Terada, in the front of the room groaned.  "Yamazaki-san, we've been through this."

Eriol arched an eyebrow.  "He's quite right.  I will be here through next week."

"Still, the work needs to be done.  Having Hiiragizawa-san back, as nice as it is, is interrupting our schedule." Naoko said softly, not turning in her desk.  Chiharu's glare increased.  "And arguing about it, when it needs doing, is just going to disrupt things more."

"Hiiragizawa-san isn't interrupting."  Chiharu muttered.  "He's being a student just like the rest of us."

"Let's not get into that.  Besides, the matter is already settled."  Terada nodded toward the, now departing, office aide.

Rika frowned and Eriol heard her speak softly to her husband.  "It could have waited until after school with no real harm done.  The new student isn't even scheduled for another month."

"Seats, everybody."

"Jackals."  Yamazaki said loudly, glaring out the door.  Terada's gaze sharpened. Yamazaki took his seat, reaching out to hold his fiancé's hand for a moment. 

Xiao-Lang and Tomoyo removed themselves from the corner they'd sequestered into, both of them pink-cheeked.  That irritable, ill-slept corner of Eriol's mind growled.  "Tomoyo-san, ohayou."  He said politely.  She jumped as though he'd shot her.

"Eriol-san!"  One hand rose in an unconscious gesture to her cheek.  "Ohayou."   Eriol frowned, glanced at a glaring Xiao-Lang, and frowned harder.

"Is something wrong, Tomoyo-san?"  He asked, still looking spades at his little relative.

Terada cleared his throat, preventing Tomoyo from answering.  "We're about to begin."    Eriol felt the insane urge to give his old teacher the cressy salute and tell him exactly where he could take the 'about to begin two minutes before the bell' shtick.  It was a most unsettled feeling and he was very, very glad when Sakura bounced through the door.

"Ohayou!"  She sang to the class at large.  "Guess what!  Otousan sent cookies for everybody today!  He said that today was such a special day that we should have something to celebrate and then he said that he'd gotten up extra early so that we could have wonderful, fresh cookies!"  She waved merrily at him, Tomoyo and Xiao-Lang as she skipped to teacher's desk.  "I don't know what's so special about today; but if Otousan said it's special and made a special effort then I'm sure it's something wonderful!"

"Tomoyo-san?"  Eriol leaned forward, tapping her shoulder to get her attention.  She blinked at him questioningly and he would have believed her innocence, only he knew her better.  "What's the matter?"  He shot a brief glance at Xiao-Lang, and yes, still glaring, before looking back at his friend.  "What was that about?"

She bit her lip and shared a look with the young man next to him.  "It was nothing much."  Eriol didn't have to look at his former-life's many-times-removed cousin to see the sudden waves of anger roll off him.  "It's just a…a situation that I'm involved in that Li-kun became aware of.  There isn't much to be done for it, ne, Li-kun?"  She smiled brightly.  Eriol thought he detected a hint of pleading to it as well.  

Xiao-Lang looked torn.  "If you say so, Daidouji."  He muttered finally, caught Eriol's distrustful look, and glared.  "You look like shit."  He announced just as Sakura sat down.

"Syaoran-kun!"  Sakura blinked.  "What a thing to say!"  Eriol smirked in satisfaction, anticipating the verbal run-down _sweet little Xiao-Lang would get from his kawaii little girlfriend.  "Even if it is true, you'll hurt Eriol-kun's feelings and maybe he's sick and not feeling well."  She continued.  Eriol glared witheringly at nothing in particular before turning back to Tomoyo._

"Do I really look _that bad?"  He asked._

She nodded, a small smile lurking on her lips.  "You look," She reached out and for a moment Eriol caught his breath.  Her hand paused and gestured toward his hair and then his school tie.  "Very rumpled."  She finished.  He felt his tie and his hair and winced.  "_Are you not feeling well?"  Her voice was quiet and suddenly Eriol felt every hour he hadn't slept catch up to him in a rush._

"I'm fine."  He bit back a yawn.  "I just didn't sleep very much last night.  I was working on your song."  

"_My song?"  There was something funny in her voice and for some odd reason it made Eriol's heart thump._

"Yeah."  He muttered, inexplicably bashful.  "I wrote a new one last night.  For you.  While I was thinking about you.  It's not done…you know…you haven't seen it yet.  And it needs words. You know."  He stuttered.  Sleeplessness was making his brain fuzzy.

"Oh."  Tomoyo's surprised, pleased smile made the fuzzy feeling in his brain worse as her cheeks went pink again.  "Arigatou."

The bells chimed, making further conversation impossible and Eriol settled down to work, sleepily thankful that he wasn't actually a student and didn't, therefore, actually have to pay close attention to the lesson; not that he would have had to do so anyway.  Clow's education had covered the bases and then some and Eriol had had to spend nearly eighteen years as an eleven year old passing the time _somehow.  He was happy enough, and tired enough, to simply sit and watch the sunlight glint off dust motes in the air and lose itself in Tomoyo's hair; it looked so warm and soft and inviting, with the sunlight making iridescent rainbows in it.  _

Eriol felt gritty, worn and weary by lack of sleep.  He felt pressed-in upon by everybody, by all the colors and sounds and expectations.  All he wanted, he mused, was someplace warm and quiet to hide himself away.  He watched Tomoyo's hair shift over his math paper and against her shoulders, creating tiny pockets and caverns of burnished colors and darkness.  Warm, he drifted on the thought; her hair looked warm and soft.  He wanted to wrap it around him, tuck himself into the curve where Tomoyo's neck and shoulder met and sleep, safe, where it smelt of spices and flowers and her.  And oh, it couldn't possibly be that soft, that warm, that peacefully gentle.  He reached out and twined his fingers through that glorious, shifting heaven, determined to find out if it was all that it promised and if it _was then he'd bury himself in it and rest._

"SIXTY-THREE!"  The voice, Chinese-accented Japanese, made Eriol flinch and glance over.  The glare that accompanied the raised voice was directed nearly-straight at him.  He blinked and then followed the direction of Xiao-Lang's dark look and found himself with his hand tangled in Tomoyo's hair.

He looked dumbly at his hand, at the fine strands of hair wrapped around his fingers and blinked, _soft, so soft, before shifting them to lie over their owner's shoulder.  "Gomen, Tomoyo-san."  He muttered.  "Your hair was on my paper."_

"Gomenne, Eriol-san."  She returned and he watched her lay one hand over the section of hair he'd placed.  His heart thumped hard again and he leaned back in his chair only to nearly fall out of it as the bell chimed for lunch.  Tomoyo stood.  "I guess we'll see you after school, Eriol-san."  She picked up her book bag then hesitated.  "But, you look very tired.  Maybe you'd rather rest than come to the Aquarium?"

"Maybe."  The word felt heavy as it tumbled from his mouth.  Tired, and so confused, Eriol still felt the insane desire to block out the world by tunneling into her.

"Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, instead."  She smiled without really smiling at all.

"I'm staying for lunch."  Eriol followed her out into the hall and tried to recall if the school lunch was any good and decided that he could use a quick spell if it wasn't.  Tomoyo beamed.

"Daidouji."  Xiao-Lang was a step behind them and his scowl was only a small line between his eyebrows until he turned it onto Eriol.  "Sakura and Mihara-san are talking about the dress again."  His look, as he turned it back to Tomoyo, was vaguely put out.  "Talk to them.  The wedding isn't for two years yet."

Tomoyo giggled.  "Two years can pass very quickly, Li-kun.  Why don't you two go get lunch started?"  Smiling she went back to the classroom. 

"So," Xiao-Lang scowled and jerked his head.  "You decided to stay for lunch today.  Just now?"  He called the last over his shoulder as he stalked down the hall.

"Yes.  I might not join everybody this afternoon."  Eriol explained as Xiao-Lang jerked open his locker and collected his lunch and a blanket.

"So."  He grunted and crossed the hall to pull open a second locker.  "You wrote a song for Daidouji last night?"  He pulled out another lunch.  It took a moment for Eriol to realize that it must belong to Sakura.  

"You were listening?"  He blinked as Xiao-Lang opened yet another locker.  Did he have the combination for every locker in the school? "Whose…?"  He asked, gesturing.

Xiao-Lang rolled his eyes.  "Daidouji's.  We eat lunch together, pay attention."  He banged the locker shut and walked toward the doors to the back of the school.  "You wrote Daidouji a song?"  He asked again.

He wrote all of his songs for Tomoyo, he thought blearily.  "Yeah."  

"And you're here with that Teacher."  Xiao-Lang said as he stomped outside.

"With Kaho?  Yes."  Eriol narrowly missed being hit with the slamming door as he walked right into a solid roundhouse to his solar plexus.  He hit the ground doubled up, gasping, and staring at Xiao-Lang.

Xiao-Lang, for his part, was furious.  He shot one quick glance at the door before glowering down again.  "You," He spat in Cantonese, "will keep your big, fat, clumsy, stupid hands to your big, stupid, clumsy self or you'll have a big, fat, split lip."

"Wha--?"  Eriol managed to wheeze.

"Daidouji is my friend and I won't let anybody hurt her."  Xiao-Lang continued, still in Cantonese.  "So you will keep your big, stupid, ugly mouth shut."

"Syaoran-kun!"  Sakura tore out of the school at an unholy speed. "What are you doing?"  

"Li-kun!"  Tomoyo was close on her heels.  

Eriol was on his feet at once and he grabbed a fistful of the other boy's shirt.  "Who's trying to hurt her?"  He snarled in Cantonese.  The Chinese boy blinked.  "Damn it, Xiao-Lang, she is my best friend and I won't stand by and let somebody hurt her." 

"Some bastard is trying to play games with her heart."  Xiao-Lang growled and pried his fingers out of his shirt. 

That made Eriol shake his head.  "Her heart belongs to..." He paused and glanced at Sakura-san who was trying to puzzle out their rapid-fire conversation.  "Another.  So what you said doesn't make sense."

"Jesus, you're slow."  Xiao-Lang snorted.  "Pay attention."  But his voice was gentler.  "Anyway, this jackass is involved and he keeps making overtures."  He was studying him closely.  

"Bastard."  Eriol snarled.  "Which one is he?  If he loves another he shouldn't be playing games." 

"But maybe he's just an idiot." Xiao-Lang looked thoughtfully towards the gates at the edge of the lawn.  "Maybe he just hasn't figured things out yet."  He looked at Sakura and raised his eyebrows.

"_None of that sounds like 'I'm sorry'!"  She cried in frustration.  "Syaoran-kun, what's going on?"_

"Nothing."  He said in Japanese, with a smile.  He bent to pick up the dropped blanket and lunches.  "You're might not be such a bad guy for an idiot, Hiiragizawa, since you've helped Sakura, and Daidouji is smart and _she thinks you're okay."  He said in Cantonese.  "But if it turns out you're a bastard, I'll hit you again."_

"I heard Tomoyo-chan's name and mine," Sakura said and folded her arms.  "I didn't hear 'I'm sorry'."

"It's alright."  Eriol reassured her before turning back to her boyfriend and dropping back into quick, pleasant sounding Chinese.  "You're a moron and a jerk and I could take you any day of the week, but if it turns out that you need help with that boy, I'll help you.  For her."

"What's going on?"  Tomoyo's voice was very soft.  Eriol noticed that her eyes were locked on Xiao-Lang and the look in them was beyond his ability to describe.  If he were Xiao-Lang he'd be shaking in abject terror while begging for mercy and feeling like a heel.

"Call it male-bonding."  Xiao-Lang was made of sterner stuff, apparently.  He didn't quail.  "He doesn't understand anything but he's your friend for sure, Daidouji."  He grumbled and headed for a spot under one of the trees.  "I think _we're friends now, even if I still don't like him."_

"Hitting people is not _friends, Syaoran-kun!"  Sakura yelped, following him away.  "You should say you're sorry and __then you can be friends."_

Tomoyo's smile was amused as she watched her friends and concerned as she turned to look at him. "Are you alright, Eriol-san?  What was that all about?  All we could see was Li-kun hitting you."

"I think…" He paused, Tomoyo would not want them interfering, especially considering what he'd heard this morning.  "That it's personal.  I offered to help him help his friend."  He shook his head.  "I'd hate to see 'enemies'.  I can't believe I offered to help him."  Eriol sighed.  "I'm going to get lunch."  
  
_You're still a mystery  
But there's something so easy  
in how you're sweet to me  
I feel completed  
Like it's something I needed  
~~Heart of Mine; Peter Salett, Heart of Mine_

Tomoyo listened to the swish and scrape of her skate blades over the ice and tried not to think about anything but the sound.  It was difficult because her mother had rented out the entire skating rink and there were no other skaters to listen to and avoid as there was most Sundays after her lessons.  Swish and glide, she threw herself into a neat axel and tried not to think about her mother accidentally having tea with Eriol the day before when Kinomoto-papa had been busy with his assistants.  She didn't want to wonder what they'd talked about or think of the warm feeling in her stomach that came from the knowledge that her mother and Eriol got along well together, liked each other.

Think of it as a practice family-outing, she told herself.  And it would be, Mother had gone to 'liberate' Kinomoto-papa from his office and Sakura-chan would be showing up soon with Li-kun, the sister and the brother-in-law, and Touya-san and Tsukishiro-san, the older brother and the other brother-in-law, would be along later in the day.  They'd probably bring Ruby Moon with them; she'd been spending so much time with them lately.  She was…she was the Guardian of her best friend Tomoyo reminded herself.  Lots of other people would be here today, not just family.  Rika-san and Terada-sensei would be coming, so would Chiharu-chan and Yamazaki-san.  And Naoko-san and even Mizuki-sensei would be coming today.  So what did it matter, really, if Eriol-san would be there as well?  It didn't.  It didn't matter any more than anybody else coming, Tomoyo thought.  He was her friend.  She twisted violently, aiming for another high jump.  He was coming as a friend and that was all, even if…

"You look beautiful, Tomoyo-san!"  She landed with a jarring thud on the ice, legs sprawled and backside aching.  Eriol was standing at the edge of the ice, beaming.  "That part wasn't so graceful."  He grinned.  "But before that, you looked really good out there.  You've had a lot of lessons?"

"Some."  She clambered back to her feet and smiled as he stepped onto the ice, trying to control the stupid flutter of her heart as he glided toward her.  It leapt anyway as he crashed to the ice and slid to a stop at her feet.  He rolled over and she couldn't help grinning at the look of utter vexation he wore.  "Probably more than you have."  She added, crouching down.  "Are you okay, Eriol-san?"

He groaned.  "You couldn't possibly.  And I'm fine.  I've learned how to take a fall.  I'm _so glad that your mother and Kinomoto-sensei picked me up on their way here.  I'm so very, __very glad that Xiao-Lang and Sakura-san could see where twenty-years of lessons can get you."_

"Twenty _years?"  She should, Tomoyo thought distractedly, be offering to help him off of the ice.  But he was so beautiful where he was, gray-violet eyes and blue-black hair against the silver-white of the ice; with glittering shards of the ice shavings crowned in his hair he looked like some sort of indolent fatis.  _

"Yeah, well."  He muttered and she finally offered him a hand as he got to his hands and knees.  "I'm doing better than Clow ever did."

Tomoyo winced.  "He must have been…"  She censored herself on the word she really wanted to use.  "Not very good."  She finished lamely.

"Oh, he was horrible."  Fujitaka called cheerfully as he stepped out of the warming area.  "He was just terrible at it."  As if to prove a point he too toppled to the ice within seconds and glided in a lazy arc into the center of the ice.  

"Oh, Daddy," Sakura sighed leaning over the wall.  "Let me get my skates on and I'll help you back up."

Sonomi stepped out onto the ice with a wave for Tomoyo.  "It's alright, Sakura-chan.  I've got him."  Tomoyo giggled as her mother hauled the grinning Professor to his feet, overbalanced and fell.  Kinomoto remained standing for scarcely a second before falling again.  Sonomi sighed.  "You've got the weakest ankles I've ever seen."

"Hiiragizawa was worse."  Li-kun disagreed with a snort as he moved gracefully over the ice.  

"I see that you're as acerbic as ever, Mr. Li."  Tomoyo tried to control her wince as Mizuki Kaho's voice rang out above the sound of the door closing behind her.  "He's had a number of lessons, you know."

"No, no.  Xiao-Lang was fairly accurate."  Eriol stated as he tripped neatly over his own, recently regained, feet.  "Ow."

"I was _very accurate."  Syaoran whirled past, holding onto Sakura now.  "And it's not like I was being mean."_

"Not on purpose, I suppose."  Tomoyo bit her lip softly at Kaho's words and glanced, not at Li-kun, but at Eriol, whom she was trying, again, to help off of the ice and onto his feet.

"What wasn't on purp—Kinomoto-sensei!  Are you alright?" Chiharu and Yamazaki had arrived with Naoko, Rika and Terada in tow.  "My goodness, Daidouji-sama, are _you okay?"_

"Fine!"  Tomoyo had turned toward the magnificent noise her mother and the hapless Kinomoto had made but she barely heard their replies as Eriol managed to drape himself over her in order to remain on his feet.

"Wow.  Maybe Xiao-Lang _wasn't that accurate."  He peered over her shoulder and chuckled for a moment as Kaho attempted to help Sonomi draw his counter-part to his feet.  "He can't even stay upright."_

"Fujitaka-sensei!"  Her mother's voice sounded only distantly in her ears next to Eriol's soft breathing.  "I haven't spent this much time sitting on the ice since Daidouji Toys ran the 'Snow Queen' exhibit at the Children's Hospital."  

Eriol laughed again.  "Xiao-Lang, come back here and apologize!  You were definitely wrong."  He waved one hand, trying to flag him down.  "Get over here!"

He stepped back and Tomoyo sensed disaster before he'd even managed to lift his hands from her shoulders.  She had only a single moment in which to tell him one very important bit of advice.  "Pride goeth before the fall, Eriol-san."  And then his arms were wind-milling and so were hers as, together, they made a valiant effort to keep standing.  They failed miserably, she realized, as they landed in a heap.  "Maybe we should have tried to keep each other up."  She muttered, caught by the picture he made pushing himself up onto his elbows above her.

"I was.  Sorry about landing on you when that didn't work, by the way."  He rolled over, spread-eagle, onto his back.  "Ow."

"About skating…"  Yamazaki revolved into view above her and Tomoyo smiled.  "In ancient times…"

"Oh, for goodness sakes!  Not now, Yamazaki-kun!"  Chiharu sighed in exasperation and tugged on his arm.  "Let Hiiragizawa-san kill himself in peace."

Eriol laughed and turned his head to look at Tomoyo where she lay beside him, sharing with her one of his sunny, cheerful smiles.  "In ancient times there was probably somebody like me who tried to save face."  He winked.

"Yoshiyuki, we'd better help one of them." Tomoyo could hear Rika laughing quietly.  "Somebody really is going to be killed if we don't."  Terada-sensei agreed with his wife in a quiet tone and arrived at Tomoyo's side just as she'd regained her feet.

"Would you like some help getting Hiiragizawa-san up?"  He asked her politely.  

On the ice, Eriol snickered.  "Hiiragizawa-san is right here.  He'd love some help up, as he's getting cold and wet lying where he is."

"Perhaps, Terada-sensei, you might help Daidouji-sama with Kinomoto-sensei."  Kaho reached down and grasped one of Eriol's hands with easy familiarity and Tomoyo glanced away quickly and watched as her mother and Fujitaka landed on the ice once more as Rika tried to keep them up.  "He's rather larger than Daidouji-sama, Terada-san and me."  Kaho added.

"You should get off the ice, Hiiragizawa-san."  Naoko slid to an unsteady stop next to Tomoyo.  "You'll get sick if you don't get warm and dry." 

"An excellent idea."  He grumbled.  Tomoyo found her smile again as he reached a hand up to her.  She clasped it warmly in hers, wishing that it meant more than simply helping him as she drew on it and pulled him to his graceless skates.  

Tomoyo couldn't help being amused at the look of fright he wore as he slipped a little.  "If we make it off the ice without falling again, I'll buy us hot chocolates."  She told Eriol and Naoko, wondering if it sounded like a bribe for her safety.

"It's a deal."  He nodded.  "Uh-oh."  He muttered quietly as he slid, wobbly, toward the exit to the warming area propelled solely by the women who held him.

Naoko skated slowly behind them, hands up and ready to catch Eriol if he should begin to fall again.  "It's a good thing you weren't with us the last time we had a class trip here."  She laughed behind them.  "You'd have done worse than I did."

"You'd do worse than even _I did."  Li-kun appeared in front of them, skating backward with ease.  "If you want things to get better, you should hang on to Daidouji."  He advised sagely.  Tomoyo nailed him with a stare, half angry and half terrified.  Didn't he see that Mizuki-sensei was standing just on Eriol's other side?  He returned her look with one of mild innocence.  "She's a very good skater.  She helped to teach the class that Mei-Ling and I took."  He continued calmly.  "So if you stay with Daidouji, you'll have better luck."  _

"I didn't know you taught classes, Tomoyo-san."  Eriol sounded thrilled with the idea.

"It's not all the time."  She muttered, trying to catch Syaoran's eye.  He was most definitely not helping maters.  "I'm not a very good teacher."

Kaho agreed instantly.  "She's not a professional…it might be best if he had lessons from a more experienced teacher."

"Daidouji is really good!"  Syaoran grinned maddeningly.  "See."  He swiveled to skate forward and then back again.  Tomoyo wondered if kicking him with her skate would be inappropriate as he fell abruptly while turning and collided with Kaho, tumbling them both to the ice and nearly sending herself and Eriol to the ice as well if not for Naoko's timely assistance.  "Ow."  He muttered rubbing his head.  "Gomennasi, Sensei."

"Li-kun?  Are you okay?"  The words were entirely appropriate given the situation but Tomoyo wondered if anybody else could here the silently implied 'are you crazy' that she didn't add.  Li Syaoran had mastered turning from front to back and to the front again faster than anybody she'd ever seen.  He'd had it down perfectly in the first lesson he'd ever taken.  Of course, he'd had a crash course thanks to the Freeze card.  It remained; there had been no reason for him to fall.

"I'm okay.  Are you alright, Sensei?"  He sat up and looked at Kaho as she got to her feet.  Kaho glared at him but he only smiled and stood up between her and Eriol.  "Maybe you could help me with turning."  He said, smiling still and Tomoyo decided that kicking him might be her only option.  "I'd hate to make Daidouji suffer with trying to teach me again, and you were so very patient with Mei-Ling when you helped her."

"I was going to help Eriol."  Mizuki-sensei said evenly as she moved to go around Li-kun.

Eriol waved one hand, nearly sending himself back down, "It's alright.  I was going to get off the ice for a little bit."  He sneezed.  "I think it's rather warranted."

Naoko smiled. "It's alright, Sensei.  I'm going off the ice too.  If Tomoyo-san and I work together, I'm sure we can make it to the gate okay."  Syaoran smiled with cheerful innocence and extended one hand to Kaho with a suave bow.  He was good, she had to admit; his business acumen right now, as he prepared to skate with a woman Tomoyo _knew he disliked, could probably rival her mother's._

"I could help you, Li-kun."  She offered and raised her eyebrows meaningfully.  She'd told him what she'd suspected about Kaho's suspicions and the last thing she wanted was for the woman to be able to justify things in her own mind and Li-kun's help just might allow her to do so.

"It's alright, Daidouji, you take this time for yourself." He smiled at her with such fondness and compassion that she bit her lip.  "For returns," He said bashfully, looking towards the girl he loved "For all the help you gave me."  He looked fleetingly at Kaho and his smile went bland.  "You helped me all the time with skating, so you should be able to get hot chocolate without having to worry about teaching me."

"I'll buy you a hot chocolate later, for being so thoughtful."  She promised him, tightening her hold on Eriol's arm, "I'll even buy marshmallows for it."

_ i love you more than i should_

_i__ would stay beside you here_

_ten__ million years  
~~ten million years; Black Lab, Your Body Above Me_

He's witty and charming, graceful and sweet, and she dislikes Li Syaoran intensely right now.  She pastes on a smile for him as he natters on about Sakura-chan and class work and how his cousin is faring back home in Hong Kong; she's not really listening to him.  Her attention is caught by the beautiful boy in the warming area laughing into his hot chocolate and smiling at the pretty girl seated across from him.  He is, she knows logically, smiling at Yanagisawa-chan as well but it doesn't matter much because it's very obvious that all his attention is on Daidouji-chan as she sips at her hot milk and laughs with him.  

Daidouji is in love with him.  Kaho knows that this is not just a snap judgment growing out of her resentment.  Oh, she's admitted to herself that she resents Daidouji Tomoyo; the girl has been a constant presence in her life for years and she takes up _so much of Eriol's time, not to mention the fact that she encourages him in all sorts of worthless endeavors.  No, it's not a baseless assumption; Daidouji is in love.  This doesn't worry her over so, plenty of girls have fancied themselves in love with him.  Many of them have even confessed to him.  What worries her is that he loves Daidouji.   She's one of the very few friends he has and he's quite attached to her.  It is her biggest fear that Daidouji will find a way to make use of that fact and convince Eriol that he feels something he really doesn't._

So she watches them as she ignores the chattering Li beside her and when Yanagisawa leaves the table, and her companions, Kaho is careful to get behind her as she rejoins Sasaki-chan and Mihara-chan. She's a safe distance back, so they won't know she's listening and Li is too busy prattling to pay attention.  She's not, she tells herself, really eavesdropping so much as looking out for Eriol's well-being.  The very last thing he needs is to be betrayed or used by a person he thinks of as a friend.  So she listens.

"Naoko-chan, I thought you were cold."  Mihara says as she waves Takashi over.  Takashi has been, and is still, telling ludicrous tales all over the rink.

"I am.  But I thought I'd give Hiiragizawa-san and Tomoyo-chan some time to talk."  Yanagisawa giggles and she is irritating.  Kaho can't help wincing.

"That's sweet of you."  Sasaki looks likes she wants to be sighing and saying 'kawaii'.  Kaho finds this just as irritating as Yanagisawa's giggles.

"Not really, I just want him to be done with it so that he can either go home or make plans to stay!"  All three girls laugh as though this is a fine joke and she feels a sudden urge to slap them all.

"Not that he'd need to if he'd open is eyes a little."  They continue to giggle.

"What?"  Takashi doesn't look irritated.  In fact, he looks very happy with the giggling and meaningful looks.  He must follow their eyes, she thinks, because he suddenly lights up.  "Oh!  Is Hiiragizawa-kun confessing?  It's what he came here for and already it's almost time for him to think about packing and he still hasn't done it."  He shakes his head with a sigh.

"It's bad luck that Mizuki-sensei chose now to visit as well.  He must not have the courage to tell Tomoyo-chan what's in his heart with a teacher always around."  Sasaki, whom Kaho thinks would have been most likely to understand, can not surely believe this thing she has said.  Choose now to visit?  Eriol chose, surely they know that Eriol and she have come together.  She realizes, with a sinking feeling, that they don't know.  Eriol has apparently not, not once in all the time he's been writing to Takashi and the others, told them that they are together.  

"Hiiragizawa-san told you he was coming to confess and you didn't tell us?"  Mihara is menacing her fiancée.  She doesn't care very much.  How could Eriol not have said?

"No.  He's very private.  We wouldn't even know about his cousin if not for the fact that Akizuki-san put Sakura-chan in her movie."  Takashi shakes his head.  "But it's in his eyes all the time.  And Li-kun even hit him at lunch that day because he didn't want Hiiragizawa-kun to take liberties without confessing first."  Takashi raised one finger in the air, a gesture Kaho has always hated and hates even more now.  "It's a well known fact that if a girl doesn't have a brother to look after her, her best-friend's brother or boyfriend is bound by law to do it.  That's why you're all so lucky that Chiharu-san has six brothers to share.  Otherwise you'd have to go to an all-girls school and be escorted by bodyguards since you don't have a—mrrrrph!"  He is cut short, mercifully, when Mihara decides to get violent.  The other girls laugh again.

"Still, it's good for him to confess.  He doesn't need to worry about not being happy with the answer she gives him; it's in her face that she returns his feelings."  Sasaki's sentiment is echoed with sighs and Kaho moves forward to set them straight.  She cannot let this misapprehension stand.  If Daidouji got wind of such support…

"Gomen, Sensei!"  Is all the warning she gets before the clumsy boy beside her sends them both reeling into the wall and then to the ice.  A new voice, an old, familiar voice, interrupts before she can draw a breath to tell the boy how inelegant and bumbling he is.

"Go pick on somebody your own size, Ghoul."  To-ya is leaning over her, offering her a hand up.  "Sakura and Sonomi-san are talking about buying drinks for everybody; if you hurry maybe they'll take pity on you and give you one."

Li snorts in derision and Kaho wonders that the next head of the Li Clan has no respect for his elders.  "Why are you here if they're buying drinks?  Wouldn't they give _you one?"  He skates off snickering.  He's improved and Kaho feels a small, cold glow of satisfaction at a job well done.  Maybe now he'll quit bumping into people._

To-ya, oddly enough, is smiling as he turns away from watching the boy go.  "What a brat."  His smile fades as he takes her arm and begins to make his way around the rink.  She's taught him well, he moves as fluidly as ever.  "Are you alright, Kaho?"  He's concerned.  

"I'm a little upset."  She can be truthful with him, she knows, despite the fact that his father will marry Daidouji's mother.  After all, To-ya still loves and remembers his mother.  It's actually somewhat cruel of Kinomoto-sensei to put his son through such a thing.  "The girls had a very wrong impression of Eriol-san and Daidouji-san's relationship.  I think it's just because they don't know about my relationship with him."

He seems confused.  "They don't know about…" He trails off, thinking and Kaho smiles.  It was always fun to watch To-ya work through a problem.  "Well, I guess it doesn't come up in conversation that often.  Sakura knows."  He shrugs.  "I take it they were talking about romance?  They must not be looking very closely at you."  He smiles and Kaho loves him for it.  He looks around the rink and sucks in a sudden breath as Daidouji helps Eriol onto the ice.  "I guess," he sounds strangled and cautious, "I guess I can see why they might think that way."  His voice is soft.  "Can't you see why they would think that, even when you're with him?"

She looks where he does and frowns.  Daidouji is skating in front of Eriol; she has her arms around him as she skates backwards.  She's wrapped around him and he's practically draped over her.  Kaho knows that she must put a stop to this.  She must.  She knows she's glaring and doesn't care who sees it.  What has Daidouji said to him to get him into such a position?  

"You're doing it, Tomoyo-chan!"  Akizuki flings herself across Eriol's back, clinging.  "You're getting him to skate!  How cute!" She waves frantically.  "Over here, Yukito-kun, Yuki!  Come get a picture!"  Tsukishiro is laughing, and he does take a picture of Eriol and Daidouji as Akizuki darts off the ice to deposit her coat and get her skates tied.  

Kaho wants to strike out, to order Akizuki off of the ice as she wraps around Eriol from behind to 'help' him skate with 'floating, graceful Tomoyo-chan'.  She spends her time watching a much improved Li skate with charming Sakura-chan and watching as the other three girls giggle and sigh and skate with the other boys.  Akizuki forces Tsukishiro and To-ya to skate with her in turns as she takes breaks from helping Eriol and Kinomoto-sensei.  Kaho doesn't skate again at all.  She doesn't skate with Eriol even once.  She thinks that maybe agreeing to come today was a mistake for all of them.  Maybe it was just a mistake, period.

_These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?  
~~How You Remind Me; Nickelback, Silver Side Up_

"Tomoyo-chan!"  Sakura's beaming face popped around the corner of the music room.  Tomoyo motioned to the student, Aikawa-san, accompanying her on the piano to stop.  Sakura continued to beam as she came to stand beside her.  "That's a pretty song, Tomoyo-chan; are you singing it for the Christmas concert?"

Aikawa gathered her music and left the room as Tomoyo shook her head.  "No, the younger students will be performing this.  I've agreed to practice with some of the students who need help and so I thought I'd better practice it myself."  She shrugged and began to gather her own music.  "Did you need something?"  She asked as they left the building.

"Oh!  No; I just wanted to tell you that Eriol-kun is looking for you."  Sakura smiled cheerfully.  "I got distracted by your singing."

"Thank you."  Tomoyo couldn't resist smiling back.  "Where did you see Eriol-san?  And what is he doing back here?"  He'd stayed for lunch again.  He'd mentioned having to go to the Tsukimine shrine later in the day to help with some of the ins-and-outs of maintenance and that staying would make him late; he'd stayed anyway and Tomoyo still had to squash the urge to hope profoundly.  

Sakura's brow furled.  "I don't know where he is; just that he's looking for you."  Her eyes seemed a trifle distant and Tomoyo marveled anew at how strong her dear Sakura-chan's power had grown.  "Syaoran-kun is looking for him and _he was on his way home."  She seemed to snap back into herself.  "I'm sure it's important.  Eriol-kun's awfully edgy."  _

"Edgy?"

"Yes."  Sakura nodded, seemingly content.  "I'm sure he'll feel better once he finds you."  She smiled again.  "I've got to go, it's my turn to fix dinner tonight and Yukito-san is coming over."  Her eyes crinkled at the corners.  "Will you remind Syaoran-kun, for me, that he has a date tonight?  I think he might forget."

Tomoyo nodded absently before it struck her as an odd request.  Syaoran had never forgotten a date with Sakura before, even if such a date _did mean eating dinner with Touya.  Sakura, Tomoyo thought as she watch her friend dart off down a side-street, still seemed to believe that her brother and her beloved couldn't stand the thought of each other much less the actual, physical, sight of each other.  It was Tomoyo's own privately held conviction that Touya and Syaoran got along very well and that the glaring matches and vaguely formed insults were more of less the outward signs of affection.  A lot like Syaoran's attitude towards Eriol.   At that thought Tomoyo suddenly paused in the middle of Suiren Street and looked around.  She certainly hadn't meant to be on Suiren; she'd been absently following Li-kun's path home and he always took Kisuisen Crescent because of the cherry tree at the corner, a little fact she thought was entirely sweet.  And so, she wondered, how had she ended up nearly two blocks over when she knew perfectly well that Li-kun would not be there?  She knew she should back-track and yet…yet the moment she decided to go back she felt a nearly overpowering sense of 'why bother'.  She turned and walked quickly the way she had come, pushing past the feeling that she really would rather take Suiren to Li-kun's apartment.  She tried not to run._

Magic.  It was a strong magic that had pushed her off course and was still trying to drive her away.  Tomoyo ignored the discomfort of her own screaming senses and kept walking.  Meiling had told her about magic, about how people without magic could still feel it if they knew it existed and since most people didn't believe in it, most people never noticed.  Tomoyo had never noticed until Meiling had pointed it out; after that she'd been able to feel the 'keep out' wards Sakura and Syaoran used when practicing with the cards and spells.  This felt sort of like those, only much stronger.  And it was trying to keep her out.  She kept walking, using sheer willpower to move forward against the magic.  Trouble, trouble, trouble; the words were a shrieking, swelling force in her head.  She couldn't stand it anymore.  She took one, final step, ready to turn back and call Sakura when it suddenly stopped.

"Sorry, Daidouji.  I didn't realize it was you.  Are you alright?" Li-kun's voice was apologetic.  Tomoyo stared blankly at him for a moment and then looked for a street sign.  Nogiku Boulevard, Li-kun's street.  It looked perfectly normal.  Li-kun himself was standing under a maple tree, looking up into the branches.  He had his sword out, but he wasn't holding it at the ready.

"I'm fine."  She said as she moved to his side.  He continued to look up as she watched him.  "I don't mean to intrude, but would you mind if I asked what you were doing?"  She said after a while.

He tilted his head, lips pursing in thought.  "I'm considering burning down the tree.  Or just blowing it over."  He added, apparently sensing her shock.  "Fire's a bit risky."

"Why in the world would you want to burn down the tree?"  Tomoyo wondered.  He smiled, not looking at her.  

"I'm considering knocking it over, too."  He reminded her.  "And it's not so much that I want to get rid of the tree, it's just that Hiiragizawa won't come down and I don't have all day to stand here and wait for him.  Holding the avoidance sphere together isn't easy."

Tomoyo peered up into the branches, muttering.  "Eriol-san is in the tree?"  She stepped back suddenly, book bag dropping from her shoulder with a dull, unnoticed thud.  "Li-kun; am I seeing things?"

He snorted, finally taking his eyes off of his adversary.  "I'd say 'that depends' but if you're looking at a six-foot long leaf bug with glasses then the answer is 'no'.  That's Hiiragizawa.  He thinks he's hiding."  

"As a six foot leaf bug?"   Her voice was faint with disbelief as she eyed the impossibility sitting in the crook of the branches.   Tomoyo couldn't really believe that he thought he'd get away with such a disguise.  Aside from the size and the glasses, the tree was fairly well nude.   Her lips twitched into a smile that she aimed at the boy beside her.  "A leaf bug with myopia?"  Above her, the giant bug scuttled to the edge of its branch and peered down through a familiar pair of spectacles.  Tomoyo stared at it.  "Is he _listening to us?"  She asked finally.  A feeler twitched. "Do leaf bugs even __have ears?" She wondered.  Syaoran shrugged._

"I'm not a 'leaf bug'.  I'm a _Phyllium__ Giganteum, to be most precise.  I'm rare."  The leaf bug's voice, an odd, chirping version of Eriol's, sounded amused._

Li-kun shuddered.  "I'll say.  That is so creepy."

Tomoyo nodded in agreement.  "Why is he up there?"  She looked up the tree and raised one eyebrow.  "Eriol-san?  Why _are you up there?"  The other feeler twitched and the giant insect seemed to glare at Syaoran._

Li-kun grinned.  "He's up there because I was going to fry him and he realized that his shield wasn't going to hold.  So he did a glamour and ran.  Of course, it's not a very good glamour."  He gestured with the tip of his sword.  "Which was an even worse move, really, because Glamours are tricky to do."  He sighed in smug satisfaction.  "He'll be lucky if he can turn himself back to normal by sunset."  

The leaf bug made a highly affronted sound and proceeded to walk down the tree trunk, head-first, to stand on the ground.  A moment later and Eriol stood before them looking rumpled and disheveled.  He turned a withering stare on Syaoran.  "Ha, ha."   He turned to Tomoyo.  "I was ambushed."

"Of course you were."  She soothed and had the bittersweet pleasure of provoking a laugh.  

"You're lucky that Daidouji came along to save you."  Syaoran shook his sword into the charm that held it.  "Next time you won't be so lucky."

It was Eriol's turn to snort in derision.  "I was just plotting my strategy."  

"I'm sure you were."  Tomoyo listened, felt her eyes slip shut just a bit, as he laughed again.  "Sakura-chan sent me out, actually.  She has a message for Li-kun."  She said the words quickly, trying to break the easy mood of familiarity.  It would be all too easy to stay here all evening, listening and bantering.   "She said not to forget your date tonight."  She shook her head.  "She left before I could remind her that you've never forgotten a date with her.  Ever."  She blinked as Li's eyebrows drew together in puzzlement.

"Date?" he muttered.  "We don't have a date tonight."

Tomoyo was startled.  "Sakura-chan's powers must have really been growing.  She said to remind you that you had a date tonight and she was feeling that you might forget it while you were looking for Eriol-san."

Syaoran continued to frown.  "I don't have anything to do tonight.  The only thing that happens on Mondays is…"  He broke off with a sudden smile.  "Oh.  She didn't want me to miss Fuutie's call.  It's my eldest sister's turn to ask me when I'm bringing Sakura back to visit and if maybe that nice Daidouji will be joining us?"  Tomoyo grinned at his impromptu imitation.  "Then she'll ask me if I've proposed _yet and __why haven't I and don't I __want to have eight-thousand kids and populate the world with the Li Clan?"  Something like longing flickered through his eyes before he made a wry face.  "And everybody getting engaged all over the place doesn't help.  So don't you two start."  He pointed at her and Eriol accusingly.  Tomoyo felt her heart stutter and she risked a glance at Eriol._

"I'm not about to start."  He smiled pleasantly and Tomoyo's heart skipped a beat.  "I can't say as to Tomoyo-san's plans."  Oh, but he could, she thought.  If only things were different, he could easily say what her plans might be.  

She smiled slightly, hoping it was bland enough to not call any notice.  "My plans are to go home."

"Should I walk you?"  Li's voice was quiet.  "I can always call Fuutie later."

"It's not even dark yet, Li-kun.  I'm sure I'll be fine."  Tomoyo was comforted by his concern.  He cared and that was why he was pushing the Eriol issue.  "Thank you all the same."

He bit his lip.  "Are you sure?  Because Yamazaki-kun was telling me about this law that says…"  He stopped.  Glared as Tomoyo delivered her serenest smile.  "Never mind."

Eriol grinned unrepentantly.  "You'll want to mind those laws carefully, Xiao-Lang."  He stooped and caught Tomoyo's bag up against his shoulder.  "But you're in luck tonight; I'll walk Tomoyo-san home."  He winked and bowed, offering her his arm.  She took it and the ball of warmth that curled in her stomach, with a hard swallow and a quick reassuring nod to Syaoran.  "I was looking for you earlier, anyway."  He said after a minute or two of walking.   "Before Xiao-Lang and I..."  He smiled mischievously, "Came to words.  I wanted to ask a favor of you."

"Anything."  She said softly, smiling quietly at him when he turned his face down to hers.  "What did you need?"  She asked in an effort to break the sudden stillness around them, afraid that if she didn't the wild beat of her heart would give away just how much she meant her answer.

"I…I wanted…Her answer seemed to fluster him.  "It's just, just, oh, here!"  He released her arm only to catch her hand and pull her into the shadowy alcove formed by a small stand of trees at the edge of King Penguin Park.  He shifted his own school satchel in front of him and pulled out a thin folder.  "It's your song."  His voice was soft; his eyes were focused on hers.  She could, she realized, smell him; a slight scent of musk and dark summer nights.  She tried to focus on something other than the familiar scent from hundreds of letters. "The one I wrote a few days ago.  I thought…maybe…"  He trailed off and Tomoyo dimly noted that neither of them was really focusing on the music in hand.  It seemed like a huge effort to blink, and once her eyes closed, an even larger effort to open them.

"Oh."  She said, for lack of anything better.  How in the world, she wondered, did she never notice how dark his eyes were?  She'd always thought of them as light colored, odd gray and blue-purple.  They weren't light now; they were the same shade as the darkest orchids that grew in the gardens at home.

"Yeah."  He muttered.  His hair was falling into his eyes.  Tomoyo wanted to push it out of his way, or hers, but Eriol was still talking, still hypnotizing.  "It's almost Christmas, and I won't, I won't,"  

He wet his lips as he went silent and she had to draw her own lower lip between her teeth or do something stupid.  "It's a holiday for lovers." She whispered, doing something stupid in spite of herself.

"Uh-huh." He wet his lips again and Tomoyo hoped she hadn't _really whimpered.  "It's special."  He went on, "And I'm not, and you're here, and I won't be, here, even if you, but I didn't, I did."  She stared at him fuzzily, wondering if he were really as incoherent as he was sounding and deciding it didn't matter that much, all that mattered was his eyes and his voice and the fact that he'd written a song for her; that he kept calling it __her song.  He'd written it for her, thinking of her, and all possibly just because he wouldn't be here for Christmas, a special time for lovers.  He wouldn't be here this year because he'd be in England.  England; something in Tomoyo's head kicked through the wall of hazy half-sentences and the blur of dark hair and eyes.  He'd be in England at Christmas, with Mizuki-sensei.  He'd be with Kaho.  The name of his lover was ice-water. _

"That's sweet!"  Her voice sounded unnaturally shrill and falsely cheerful.  At that moment she felt that she might very well have hated that idea, that song.  "It's nice of you to think of me; will you want to perform this in a concert or just for Mizuki-sensei?"  It was petty of her, she knew, to say such a thing in such a tone of voice.  He couldn't help it if Tomoyo had fallen in love with him, knowing full well that he was in love with somebody else.  

Again Mizuki's name seemed to be the equivalent of a cold shower.  Eriol gaped at her.  "No.  I…"  He seemed to fumble for an answer, for any words at all.  "I just wanted to…I wanted to work with you.  The song's for you."  He gestured helplessly and Tomoyo's traitorous heart reached out, laid her fingers on his wrist.

"Thank you, then.  It means a lot to me."  She murmured, watched him smile at the words as she pulled the folder from his hands.  There was something in the awkward way that he almost seemed to blush, nearly looked away from her eyes that grabbed at her.  He made to leave, said words about going back to the hotel and she stopped him again.  "Eriol," _I can't stop myself from hoping, she thought, "Would you like to come to my house and we can work on it together?"_

_When you're on a holiday_

_You can't find the words to say_

_All the things that come to you_

_And I wanna feel it too_

_~~__Island__ in the Sun; Weezer, Weezer (2001) aka The Green Album_

* * *

Author's note: Kaho's useage of 'san' 'chan' and names is all deliberate.  ^.^  The beta on this was quick and dirty.  Please let me know about any mistakes you find, I'll gladly fix them.  Happy holidays, minna.

Part three will be in shortly.  Edits, proofs, tinkering is underway right now.  And for anybody who wonders about that link from Part One, the one with the bug (what do you mean you didn't look???) well, that entire bug idea was a brainstorm of Chelle-sama's and I gleefully ran amok with it.  Chelle-sama is great.  Go read her stuff, dang it!  Go!  Why are you reading this?  Go!  Go right now!  Run!  GO! ^.~ Just come back for parts three and four, okay?__


	3. 

Disclaimers etc. from Part one apply.  Dedicated anew to Chelle-sama, for courage in braving the trenches despite my computer's attempts to eat hers.  Also a huge thank you to the readers, for courage in facing my fics.  I swear, every time I open the Kitaku files I want to scream and run away.

* * *

Things were strange.  They'd been strange ever since he'd pulled Tomoyo-san off of the sidewalk to talk about the newest song.  That in itself had been odd; closed-in and quiet and he didn't remember much of what he'd said, although he must have gotten his request through somehow because this was the third day he'd been at Tomoyo's in the afternoon to work on their song.  The first day had been the strangest; he'd kept waiting for something to happen, though he didn't know what.  All that had happened was that he'd fallen hopelessly in love with a curvaceous beauty wearing an obscene amount of red.

Tomoyo's piano was brilliantly scarlet, not the glossy, classic black he'd expected.  Eriol loved that piano. He loved the fact that the piano apparently embarrassed her; she'd blushed when she'd caught him staring at it, blushed and apologized.  She'd gotten over the impulse to apologize for it quickly; though he supposed that she might have been taken aback by the way he dropped to his knees in front of it, tucking his head against the curve of its body.  "I love this piano."

"And Tomoyo always hated it."  There had been a bright flash of light then, as Sonomi had taken a quick picture.

"I never _hated it."  Tomoyo's lips had snaked up into a small smile that she tried to hide.  "I __don't hate it.  It's just terribly tacky."_

"Of course it is."  Eriol had agreed and he'd stroked one hand along the satiny finish just to see her giggle again.  "That's why I love it."  He'd smiled at her grinning mother and bodyguards.  "I'll trade you."  He offered.  

Sonomi snickered.  "Find your own kitschy furniture."  She smiled lovingly at Tomoyo.  "I didn't know you were bringing anybody over today.  I'll have Cook make extra tonight."  Sonomi smiled again at him.  "Quit groping the instrument or there won't be extra dessert."  He'd laughed, had listened to Tomoyo's laugh and settled in to work.  

And then things had been normal, mostly.  He was getting forgetful, actually, and that seemed to be the main problem; there were times when he'd turn to ask Tomoyo a question and forget it entirely.  Sometimes he'd miss the fact that Ruby Moon and Spinel had arrived at the Daidouji house, until one of them burst into the room with the announcement that the Udon was done and tonight it's Tanuki and if they didn't stop working, for just a little bit _please,__ then Suppi would have their umeboshi.  And since when had time ever flown so quickly?  Eriol glared down at the piano keys suddenly.  How could an entire afternoon pass into evening in the time it took Tomoyo to run through the scales and for them to fret over a handful of words and notes?  Every day, too soon every day, Kaho pulled him away from the music and from Tomoyo's voice; he loved listening to Tomoyo sing.  Even if all she was doing was trying out the different variations of the notes of the English words she'd insisted on having in the song.  Kaho didn't seem to understand that listening to the nuances of Tomoyo's voice as it moved and winded around the words would help him find the very soul of the song._

"Eriol?  Are you done, then?"  Like now.  Eriol frowned harder at the keys as Kaho's voice floated across the room.  "My parents have been wondering where we keep disappearing off to each day."  She laughed lightly.

Eriol plucked at a few keys, watching idly as Tomoyo rifled through her stack of music, looking for a particular cross-over that she thought might fit the song.  "No they don't.  Your mother asked me just today if I'd gotten any closer to finding my heart."  He felt a frown tug at his face.  "I didn't even know that she knew I was working on a song these days."  

Kaho blew out a noisy breath.  "Well, I do tend to talk of you while you're at the school.  Are you finished?"  

"No."  He continued to pluck at the keys with no real form.  "I want another run through with that cross-over."  

"Eriol, really."  He frowned again at her impatient sigh.

"Oh, they'll be at this all night."  Sonomi's voice drew his gaze to the door.  She smiled.  "As much as I love watching Tomoyo sing, I've always been bored by watching her practice her scales."  Something about the way she said it made him think that she didn't entirely mean what she said.  "Why don't you join us in making gingerbread people?  Nakuru-san is almost finished mixing the dough and I think I'm going to need help decorating if the size of her 'tiny' batch is anything to go by.  We should have enough to last until Christmas.  Possibly even until the New Year and after."  

Kaho smiled politely, the cold smile that Eriol hated.  "I'm quite sorry that Akizuki-san is putting you to so much trouble.  She's tends to over-react around the holidays, and I'm afraid that, for some reason, November the first seems to mark the season for her.  I'm sure we can take the dough back to the hotel and take care of matters there."

Sonomi waved away Kaho's objections.  "It's no bother at all.  I rather enjoy having her around, actually.  Tomoyo was such a quiet child; it's nice to see what I didn't entirely miss."  She winked at Eriol.  "She's very energetic."  Kaho was still smiling the polite smile as she followed Sonomi to the kitchen.  Eriol took a deep breath and turned to watch the dark-haired girl across the room.  He wondered if she'd remained oblivious to Kaho's attempts to hurry him out.

"I've found it."  Tomoyo sounded triumphant, holding aloft a sheet of music.  "I think it'll work well with the last verse."  Her smile was strained; she'd noticed.  "Right here…What's this?"  She'd pointed to the last verse, but her eyes had been drawn up to the words he'd been idly filling in above.  "Walk with me by the ocean/ let's watch the lights of the city from the train?"  She blinked at him.  "That is so terribly clichéd.  I knew the piano had to be affecting you."  She leaned over his shoulder to snatch up his pen and begin her corrections.  

He leaned back slightly, just enough to feel the warmth of her behind him.  "Clichéd, me?  Tomoyo-san, I am _not the person who hid the moon in the moon castle with a snow rabbit for company."  He murmured.  He could smell gingerbread and something else, something that reminded him of his gardens.  He took another deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so, trying to capture more of the warmth.  "If I didn't know better, I'd be surprised that Yue didn't hate Clow for that."  _

"Hmm."  Eriol felt the lightest of touches on his hair; just a gentle, shifting, stroking _contact.  It made him sigh.  It made him want to pull her hand down along his cheek, hold it, nuzzle into it; he'd been so cold lately.  The hand in his hair moved away.  "You seem very tired, Eriol-san.  I don't mean to keep you if you'd rather be elsewhere."_

"No."  He tilted his head back, feeling his hair brush against the fabric of her dress.  "I don't want to be anywhere else."  Tomoyo nodded, eyes still locked on his.  For some reason it made him feel…connected.  "Sit by me?"  He asked softly.  "Sit by me and sing."

She swallowed and shook her head.  Eriol shook his own head in confusion.  "I…I need to be standing if I'm going to sing my best."  She explained, hushed.  "And there's not enough room, you'll hardly be able to play."

"I just want to hear you."  He pushed, though he didn't know why.  "Hearing you helps me feel it better.  It's like you know what my heart really means, when you sing."  She nodded once, eyes wide, and came around to sit beside him on the bench; flush against him as he launched quietly into the opening bars of music.  Tomoyo hummed nearly inaudibly at his side and the sound seemed to resonate inside of him.

"How such a small happiness is warming our important moments," Smooth words, soft voice, Eriol let himself relax into the sound.  "Hey, inside this heart and mind, I began to feel such a kind of feeling…your eyes, your voice, all of them I cared the most."  

Tomoyo moved into the first chorus, into her correction of his, and he could admit it, clichéd lines and he couldn't help himself.  He joined her as she sang lines that seemed to echo inside his head.  "The beginning of a little story on the eve's falling snow, the true self I've fallen in love with, don't let go of these hands…" She made him sigh. "Walking our future together in each footstep," He leaned into her, just a little, "How warm, how gentle, hugging you deeply as my winter wish."  

He didn't notice when Kaho came back into the room as they started again, singing it together the whole way through, Tomoyo changing words here and inflections there.  He noticed only faintly when Ruby Moon, Spinel and Sonomi clustered in the door of the music room, sighing, as they began a third time.  Kaho called him to himself before he could start a fourth time, and he left, even though he wanted to stay.

_i__ can't explain, all it means _

_just__ to be here with you _

_and__ by looking in your eyes it was worth everything _

_sanity__, you and me _

_and__ the rest can fade_

_~~Now You're Gone; Luckie Strike, Unreleased song (that means it's not currently on CD, darn the luck!)_

She hates this new song.  No, that isn't true.  The song is lovely.  She hates the fact that Eriol, who never sings at all at home, was singing tonight.  Leaning into Daidouji, letting her lean against him, and both of them singing softly as though the song had caught them in the moment.  Or, she glosses over the thought, as though they had captured the song in the moment.  It's nothing, she dismisses it to herself.  The only thing that really bothers her about this song is that it's distracted him entirely from his work.  This trip has distracted him from his work.  Daidouji…well, it hardly matters what Daidouji's intentions are.  Kaho's one real hope for this trip is that perhaps Eriol will become more interested in his studies of magic after seeing how well Sakura-chan handles her powers.  Even the Li, much as she dislikes him, is managing a respectable amount of power.  Unfortunately, the magic seems to be a low priority for Eriol.  In fact, even thinking about magic doesn't seem to be happening now, thanks to the school and after school and the song.  

"Eriol, I'm worried about you."  She tells him earnestly as they walk back to the suite.  She is quite worried about him.  While there is no true age for developing powers, the earlier one starts, the better.  He used to use his magic all the time, but now…lately.  "You haven't been practicing your skills lately and not at all since we've been here."  She smiles, tucking her hand into his as they make their way down the lamp-lit streets.  It's so late; they shouldn't have stayed so long at Daidouji's, no matter Daidouji-sama's protestations.

Eriol, however, snorts at her concern.  "I've been practicing.  I worked on my glamours just this week."  He starts to snicker, drawing his hand out of hers to push his glasses up.

"Is that why you felt all skittery?  With all those long, spindly, prickly legs?"  Akizuki tucks her chin into the curve of his shoulder.  "Suppi said you were doing something weird and we had to send you power so you could stop being all spiny."

"_Spinel, Ruby Moon."  Spinel sighs.  "And she's quite right.  You shouldn't practice that so far away from us.  You were very nearly stuck like that until dark.  It's not like we can travel easily during the day in our true forms."_

She's frowning hard at Akizuki and Spinel when Eriol stops in the street, apparently aghast.  "Is _that how I managed?"  His voice is jagged.  She lays a hand on his shoulder, feeling it quake._

"Eriol?"  Something is wrong, desperately wrong.

He bursts out in uncontrolled laughter.  "Oh, that's horrible!  It's just…oh, don't you _dare let on to Xiao-Lang that you helped me!"  He's doubled over, clutching his sides.  Tears are streaming down his cheeks and he's turning red with exertion. "He said, when he had me up the tree, he said that I'd be lucky to turn myself back to normal so soon after changing…and, and…and…" He's hiccupping and stuttering around breathless gales.  "Oh, he was __so right.  I __was lucky."  He sinks to the sidewalk, headless of the grime and leans back against a streetlamp.  "Oh, that is just perfect.  Xiao-Lang was right.  He really could take me in a fight.  He was using attack fire, protective wind and holding an avoidance sphere the entire time, and I could barely manage a mis-done glamour.  His weaknesses to my strengths and he could probably beat me without even trying."  He's still breathing unsteadily and as he passes one hand over his eyes, pushing his glasses up and out of his way, she can see tears, new tears, glittering in his eyes.  "He's more than my match, it seems."_

"Well, don't do it again."  Akizuki mutters.  "You felt all crawling-weird."  She mimes an exaggerated shudder.  "I didn't like feeling you like that."  

Spinel nods in agreement.  "It's somewhat disconcerting to go from 'gloating and taunting' to 'insect', Eriol."  

Kaho ignores them, concentrating on those fresh tears.  "Are you alright, darling?"  She asks, crouching down to look him in the eyes.  She has to cup his chin to bring his eyes to hers.  And yes, there are definitely new tears there.  And she understands.  "Poor darling," She murmurs to him, stroking her fingers under his eyes, drying his sadness.  "It won't last.  He's just had more practice lately.  You'll get stronger, you'll see.  He won't be able to out-match you for long."

He blinks, gripping her hand before pushing himself to his feet.  "What?"  She stands as well, touching her fingers to his cheek again, pulling her hand back to show him his own tears.  "No," He says softly, and she sees a wave of understanding pass through his eyes even in his denial.  "It's not like that, Kaho."  He shakes his head.  She shakes hers as well, telling him as best she can with this lump of sadness for him in her throat, that she understands him utterly.  "I'm proud of him, Kaho."  He says, stepping away from her as she shakes her head once again.  Doesn't he know by now that he doesn't have to be brave for her?  "I'm proud of him, of what he's done, the things he'll do one day."  He is such a dear boy, so sweet, trying to hide away his disappointment in his failure, in being bested by a disrespectful child such as Li Syaoran.  "You don't understand." He says finally.  His voice is strained.  Oh, darling, she thinks, as she reaches for him.  He needs all the reassurances she can offer him; she's been waiting to offer to him.

"Oh, Eriol, I understand; I don't think that you do." Kaho sighed softly, her voice sweet.  "You're young yet, and Clow's feelings left a great impression on you."

_I've never known you  
and I never will  
What difference  
Does indifference take  
~~ The Niles Edge; VAST, Visual Audio Sensory Theater_

Eriol felt himself go still inside and out. A cold wind seemed to be sweeping through him. "What don't I understand?" It was a wonder that his breath didn't make ice crystals in the air, he thought idly.

Kaho caressed his face gently. "Clow was tired and he was unable to control his power. He didn't _want_ his powers. And he left you to deal with breaking them."

"They were my powers, too." He reminded her. He felt like he was incased in ice. And when Ruby Moon made to come to his side, he motioned her away.

"I know that, darling." Kaho murmured and patted his cheek. "And under Clow's directive you got rid of them. But they _were_ your powers, and you hadn't even really had time to get to use them and work with them. You didn't even really know what you could do."

"I knew." Short and terse and didn't Kaho remember that he remembered spending a _lifetime _as Clow Reed? Faint, yes, and misty now with time passed and powers severed, but he knew. Knew Clow's hunger for an ordinary life, for simple things and the knowledge that he didn't _know_ what tomorrow would bring. He knew. Oh yes, he knew.  He'd wanted all the same things.

"Not really, darling not really. Given a lifetime, Eriol, you could have harnessed Clow's power, learned to control them the way that Sakura-chan can control hers. But you felt that you had to break them, because that's what Clow wanted, because Clow couldn't control them." Kaho sighed and smiled a bit sadly into Eriol's eyes. "Poor darling. And now you have to start over from practically the beginning."

'Poor darling', 'start over'? "What?" It was all he could manage.

Kaho giggled and kissed his cheek. "You think I don't recognize what you're feeling?" She hugged him and whispered softly in his ear. "You created your own Clow deck. You created a Moon Guardian and a Sun Guardian." She drew away from him and smiled. "You want to be a magician. You want your powers back. You want to be Clow Reed. And better than him." Her smile went tender. "I'll help you, darling. I'll help you to do it."

Eriol wondered how in the world a frozen heart could beat. It must still be beating; that blooming pain in his chest could come from nothing else. "I'm going for a walk." He managed. "I need to think." He brushed past Spinel and Ruby Moon, unable to bear their concerned touches on his overly sensitive skin. He needed to think. He didn't dare touch them; he didn't want to freeze them with his ice.  He left them standing on the sidewalk, Spinel urging them to return to the hotel and reassuring that Eriol would come back in his own due time.  He didn't really listen.

His steps must have carried him automatically to King Penguin Park. He didn't remember the walk. He didn't remember much until he was standing on the bridge over the stream. She'd said it. Kaho had said aloud the one thing he hadn't been able to bear having her think about. She believed it. She felt it was true. He fingered the deck in his pocket and he considered throwing them all in the water. He debated making it rain. He gave serious thought to crying. 

Eriol didn't know how long he stood there, waffling, before Tomoyo found him.   It was only when she spoke that he realized the moon had already risen and set.  How long ago had he left Kaho on the sidewalk?  Since he'd left the haven of Tomoyo's house?  He didn't have the faintest of clues.

"Eriol-san? What--?" Her voice was soft, concerned, and_ warm. He flinched and watched as she bit her lip. She reached out one hand, tentatively, and he almost said 'don't' but she'd touched his sleeve before he had time to warn her. Her touch was searing. The ice, he noted, did not seem to affect her. "Eriol-san, I'm going over to teeter-totter to play." She tugged gently on his sleeve and he followed her, grateful that she said nothing else, that she seemed content to sit on the teeter-totter and go, mindlessly, up and down. _

She sat sidesaddle because of her skirt, a small thing that amused him. Daidouji Tomoyo-san, so proper that she wouldn't sit astride, yet apparently sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night and meeting boys in the park.  She'd probably get pulled home by her bodyguards. He felt a small smile drift across his face and the pain in his chest evaporated as though it had, almost, never been. He knew himself. Kaho was wrong. She had to be.

In the end, it was he who broke their silence.

_Oh so much for nothing,  
But nothing means so much.  
I know it's touching,  
But I've been out of touch.  
~~Finding Me; Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want_

"Tomoyo-san?" Eriol spoke, startling her. He'd been so quiet tonight. Sad, she thought, confused, remote. He hadn't spoken nor had he taken his eyes off of her. It had been almost disconcerting, but she hadn't taken her eyes off of him either. She'd traced those unfamiliar, familiar features a thousand times in this last week and knew them by heart this night. He needed something, she was sure. What it was, she didn't know. She'd give it to him, if she could.

"Hmm?" 

"Tomoyo-san, why did I create Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun?" He planted his feet, holding them balanced in the air. She kicked her feet absentmindedly, watching a small cloud of dust raise and settle, and considered.

"Why do I think you did it?" She asked.

"In twenty-one words or less, please." He laughed, a hollow sound, a wrong sound.

She answered instantly, honestly, with the total truth. "Because you love them."

He blinked at her, raising one eyebrow. Tomoyo laughed quietly at his expression; honestly, why was he so confused by such an obvious thing? She slipped off the playground equipment and crossed over to settle in the sand next to Eriol. He lowered himself to the ground and turned to face her, his elbows resting on his knees, chin on his fists. "I did it because I love them?" 

Tomoyo wondered how to explain to him this feeling of certainty. "Kinomoto-papa once told Sakura-chan that he would love Nadeshiko-obasan over a thousand lifetimes. I asked him about that, and about my mother, when I talked to him. How could he love Mother if he would always love his first wife? He said the same thing you said about loving more than one person in life. And then he told me that in every life we love somebody, and we still love them into the next life and if we didn't gather them to us, how could we ever be truly happy? And you love Ruby Moon and Spinel. It doesn't matter if it was fate or if it was just hard work and want that brought them to you."

Eriol fished about in his pocket and held up between them a tiny gold key. The next second Tomoyo watched it grow into a large staff holding the sun and the moon. She watched Eriol watch the moonlight glint off the gold. "You sound sure. How do you know I didn't do it because I want to be like Clow Reed? Maybe it's a subconscious desire of mine."

Tomoyo placed one hand over his on the staff. "You don't want that." It was all she said; it was all she felt needed to be said on the matter. She moved her hand away. Having it on his made it tingle and this wasn't, she reminded herself, about that. It was never going to be about that, and it didn't matter as long as he was her friend.  He loved her all the same.

He surprised her, however. Eriol reached out and grabbed her hand, holding it in his; the staff, hidden in the key again, pressed warmly between their palms. "It's late, Tomoyo-san. I'll walk you home." His face and voice were intense but there was a smile in his eyes. Both made her feel dizzy.

He held her hand all the way home.

He released her hand at her at the front gate, but followed her as she made her way to the hedge with the gap in it: He tucked his hand and his key into his pocket. "Tomoyo-san? Why were you out tonight?"  A good question, actually.  She'd been tired even before he'd left and then, for some reason, she'd felt compelled to go out walking.  She'd gone to King Penguin Park as quickly as she'd been able.

'I was following my heart.' She thought, but did not say. "I like to go walking at night." She told him instead; a true half-truth.

"Very often?" He smiled at her with guarded eyes. Tomoyo bit her bottom lip briefly.

"Sometimes I can't.  But it's been so nice lately that I like to try." She said finally, wanting to put her hand on his arm, or draw him into her arms. He was close enough, if she chose to. She didn't; he seemed sharp-edged and brittle, as though exposed the harsh whims of the elements.

Eriol nodded faintly. "Will you try to come out walking with me tomorrow night?  I feel like I've hardly had a chance to see you at all."

"Of course I will." She wondered how much of her heart was audible in her voice. It didn't matter, she decided. Her answer made him smile.

"Alright." He reached out suddenly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and she imagined that his fingers lingered just slightly. "I'll meet you at the bench by the school gates." He smiled, suddenly silly, grabbed her hand and kissed it firmly. "Goodnight, Tomoyo-san."

She waited until he'd rounded the corner before whispering her own goodnight. " Sweet dreams, Eriol-san."  
  


_He's no more wise or so he thinks  
What did he learn from this life  
Tells no more lies to himself   
What can he take to the next one  
~~Complicated; Karma, Standing in the Light _

Tomoyo bit her lip, hugging her arms to her chest.  It was cold and Eriol was late.  She'd have left, she thought, if not for the fact that last night Eriol had looked as though a stiff breeze would shatter him.  Maybe he'd talk about it tonight, maybe not.  He had looked a lot better in school; cheerful as ever, a little tired.  She'd been tired too and she hadn't had to walk back to a hotel at nearly two in the morning.  Perhaps he meant not to come walking, he was probably too tired.  But he'd left a note in her school satchel.  Well, not a note, really; Kino Makoto in her Juuban uniform paper with a time written on it and a rough sketch of  herself and Sakura bent across the space between their desks, whispering.  She'd kept it.  It was at home, in the same box with all of his letters.  So funny, once, that she saved all of his letters to her, even those first few.

"You look cold."  Eriol remarked, strolling down the street as though he owned it.  "Why didn't you bring your coat?"  She smiled, coming to her feet as he reached the bench, hand out-stretched to help her.  Tomoyo couldn't help wishing she'd waited as he lowered his hand.  

"I couldn't exactly leave through the front door."  He arched an eyebrow at her in question.  "You should try getting past Kinyue-san someday and see how easy a time you have."

He nodded amicably.  "I suppose they only buy the 'I want a drink of water' story so many times before they get suspicious."  He smiled at her, warm and happy and bright.  "I'm glad you went through the effort."

"I am too; even if it does means having to wear my choir cloak."  She ducked her head slightly, afraid of blushing under the lamplight, and gestured to the night at large.  "Can we walk; would you mind?  It's warmer to walk than to sit still."  She startled as he wrapped his hand around hers.

"Your fingers are cold."  He said.  "The park?"  He asked, tugging on her hand as he started to walk.  "I like it there." Something about it struck her as funny and she giggled.  His mouth tilted into a small smile as he waited for her to share the joke.

It was her turn to draw him forward.  "I was thinking of all the times 'something mysterious' happened at the park."  She confessed.  "In hindsight, it's easy to say 'of course he likes it there'.  A lot of things happened there."  She shivered slightly as his thumb rubbed absently over the back of her hand.  "Attacking us with Emperor Penguin wasn't very nice."  He squeezed her hand lightly. 

"I did fix it, you know."  Eriol's voice was mild, his smile affectionate.  "And chasing you around the elementary school with a grand piano was worse.  Poor piano."  He mourned with a hearty sigh.  "I had to fix that too.  And the fence and the door and the wall; you were nothing but trouble, Tomoyo-san."

She nodded, her lips pursed.  "It was terrible of me to put you to so much trouble."  She stopped on the bridge where they'd met the other night and gazed down at the water. "Next time I'll hold still so that your enchanted minion can squash me into paste."   

"I'd never have let that happen."  Eriol was watching the water flow, a small smile on his face.  He turned it to her for a moment before looking back.  "I was very sorry for having frightened you so badly, actually.  I felt worse after turning the school into a maze."

Something about the way he said it made her heart leap.  "You left me flowers."  She said, remembering the way that her shoe-locker had been crammed with them days later.  

Eriol's lips curved before he frowned.  "Who says?"   She shook her head at him and he sighed gustily.  "Okay, okay, so unless he offended you greatly most admirers wouldn't cram your locker full of purple hyacinth, peonies, and marigolds, but that doesn't mean it was me."

"Funny, Eriol-san, I don't remember you being at school when I had to empty my locker to find my shoes.  Do they actually have meaning then?"  She watched as he turned red.  "Ah."  It charmed her that he would know what the flowers meant.  "They were a lovely apology."

"You're welcome, Tomoyo-san.  Could we talk about something else?"  She giggled as he pulled her away from the bridge and in the direction of the teeter-totter.  "Tell me something."  He ordered.  

She tilted her head and studied him as he brought her to stand by the big penguin slide.  "Tell you what?"  She needed to get control of her heart, before it made her do something utterly stupid, but standing in the shadows with him didn't help her.  She turned blind eyes to the moon as it slid behind the clouds.

"Anything."  He sounded so happy.  "I feel like I haven't said two words to you since I arrived.  Tell me something true.  Something I don't know."  

_I love you.  "My fingers are cold."  Fairly safe and certainly true enough but he looked puzzled as he stepped in front of her, drawing her eyes to his face.  He lifted the hand he held, bringing it to eye level.  She gazed past it, eyes on him as he raised one eyebrow.  "My other fingers."  She should go home.  It was late, it was cold and she'd been gone for so long already.  And Eriol was too beautiful to look at._

"Oh."  His voice was thoughtful.  He cupped his free hand around her cold one.  He brought that hand up too and then he wiped out her thin line between what this was about and what she wanted it to be about by bringing both hands to rest over his heart, his covering hers.  "Better?"   His voice was rougher than she'd ever heard it before.

"No."  Her breath was coming in hitches and she couldn't seem to stop it.

"Oh."  And then he kissed her.

_Midnight__ will ask you once again,  
With words un-weary,  
Does it steal your breath away?_

_~~Loom; Iris, Disconnect_

He knew, _knew_, that he shouldn't have kissed her, that he absolutely shouldn't have _kept kissing her. He drew back to apologize but got only as far as uttering 'Tomoyo' in a deepened voice before kissing her again; kissing her more roughly and desperately than he ever would have intended to kiss her, if indeed he'd ever dreamed of intending to do so. He couldn't seem to _stop_ either. He drew back, kept pulling away from her warm, smooth mouth, getting only as far as her name before drowning himself in another kiss. "Tomoyo." He breathed, tangling his hands in her hair, cupping her cheek. "Tomoyo-s_a_n." He whimpered as she stretched up to meet his next kiss with her own; her hands sliding up to his shoulders, pulling him down to her as she whispered his name back to him._

"Eriol." She whispered over and over again, a little breathless, faintly sad, and he had to kiss her again. To steal her breath away because he was certain that he wouldn't be able to remain standing if she said his name that way again. And it was _crazy_ to be kissing her like this, here, where anybody could see them, with the moonlight strong enough to cast shadows whenever the clouds moved. Tomoyo's hands slid off his shoulders moving over his chest again, grasping handfuls of his shirt repeatedly as his mouth moved on hers. Lunacy, it was lunacy and Eriol blamed the moon as he brought one hand to the ties of her cloak, waiting, his breath coming in raged gasps and his body humming. Her hand dropped from his chest to cover his hand, whether to help or hinder he didn't know, as a voice intruded on the night.

"Tomoyo-sama?" Tomoyo jerked in his arms, whirling to face the entrance of the park.

"It's Toshi-san." She said quietly. "I've got to go…she can't find me here with you. Not at this time of night!" She made it three steps before he caught her hand.

"Tomoyo, wait." She stopped and let herself be pulled back into his arms. He reached out and ran his thumb over her lower lip. Her breath caught, he noted. So did his. "They won't need to find you with me, not if they see you looking like this. You look…" He trailed off, uncertain of how to phrase it gently.

She laughed softly. "Much the same as you do, I imagine." She brushed a quick hand through his hair, straightening. 

He drew back, reaching into his pocket. "Illusion." He spoke, tossing the card into the air. The key in his pocket glowed as the card vanished. "It'll cover you.  I can only hold this card for an hour or so." He said in hushed tones. He drew their joined hands up and kissed the inside of her wrist, scraped his teeth across it gently and kissed it again. "Go, Tomoyo."

She didn't go. She stepped toward him; her head tilting back, arms coming up, eyes dark. "Eriol…" She murmured. 

"Tomoyo-sama?" The voice was closer now. Much closer. Tomoyo dropped his hand, stepped back, and ran.

Eriol stared after her, straining his ears to hear her voice as she chatted amiably with her bodyguards. And he contemplated utter madness. He'd have moved toward the voices if not for the sound of four paws and two feet hitting the sidewalk. He turned and faced his guardians. Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon were watching him. Eriol was sure that they'd witnessed at least part of what had happened. He didn't speak.

"I'll go back," Spinel Sun said, facing his companion, "and let Mizuki-sensei know he's safe." With a nod to his master, Spinel Sun launched off. Eriol watched him go and then sat heavily on one of the smaller penguins.

"Kaho." He breathed, shaken. "Kaho." He hadn't thought of her, not until Spinel had said her name. "Tomoyo-san." He winced. "What have I done?"

Ruby Moon cocked her head. "You've just kissed Tomoyo-chan." She changed into her false form and extended a hand to him, pulling him to his feet. "She, Mizuki-sensei I mean, said she was worried about you. Spinel said she was more upset than concerned." Ruby Moon tugged him in the direction of the hotel, conjuring flowers out of thin-air.  He barely noted it even though they had spent weeks going over that spell together. "I say she was afraid."

Eriol let her lead him back to their rooms, allowing her to stuff her flowers in his shirt along the way. "Ruby Moon, what have I _done_?" He asked plaintively.

Ruby Moon blinked at him, looking quite surprised and a trifle amused. "Don't you know?" She asked him before sliding into the common room of their suite. "We're back." She sang, "And we've had a lovely walk home from the park."

_I feel so peculiar; I don't know what to say               _

_But don't let that fool you; I'm not one bit afraid,_

_No way._

_~~Hello; Sugarbomb, Bully  ___

She wonders if tonight will be the first time that he lies to her. When she sent Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun out (reluctantly) to look for him, she was very certain that he would be with _her_,with Daidouji Tomoyo. The guardians had been so averse to finding him, insisting that he was safe and that they sensed no danger around him. She wonders if they will lie to her, especially since Spinel Sun is the first to return. Alone.

"He's been walking in the park." Is all he will say and he slips easily into the smaller, false form. Which is just as well, Ruby Moon's false form has just arrived, with Eriol in tow. She thinks that he looks off-center and so she focuses on him, letting Akizuki-san babble something about flowers and the night and the park. Eriol is shaking flowers out of his shirt, rumpled and out of sorts.

"You were late." She cuts across Nakuru's monologue. "I was worried." Her voice, she knows, is icy and thin. She can't help it. She really was worried. She is more worried now, however. He flashes a quick smile, one that she used to find reassuring, and kneels to pick up the crushed blossoms. 

"I've been feeling a little edgy lately." He explains. "I thought a walk might help. I thought I told you that I'd be going out." He had, actually. But it hadn't stopped her from worrying. And she has noticed his edginess. She is, she believes, the only one who knows the _why_ of it. It's the letters; or rather, the lack of them. If they'd been home, in England, he'd have already had at least two letters, maybe even more, from Daidouji-chan. He'd have certainly written her at least once. And he'd have his study.

_Her_ room, she thinks of it as. The place he goes to be alone with _her._ It is the place where he reads and writes and saves all his letters from Daidouji. He hasn't had that here in Japan and she, Kaho, has been doing her level best to keep Eriol from spending any large amount of time with Tomoyo. He's certainly not been alone with her since they arrived. It's not even been a full two weeks. Somehow she's always thought that it would take more time than this. Not, she tells herself, that there is anything more to this that what Daidouji feels; and what Daidouji feels is confusing him, making him act like this. Perhaps when they're back in England she'll say something to him after all.

It is a special sort of torment, but she needs to ask, to know. "Did it? Help, I mean." She waits for his response impatiently, noting that his fingers have stilled on a piece of forget-me-not. He traces a petal before gathering the lot together and dumping them into the trash bin.

"No." He says. "I can't say that it did." She can't read his face and wonders when it happened that she stopped being able to read his every mood. "I'm going to have a shower." He says suddenly. "I think there were ants on more than one of the flowers." He moves steadily for the bathroom, pausing at the door. "Why don't you go on to bed, Kaho." And she wonders if she pushes him, will he lie to her tonight?

_One more time  
in one more life  
Another day and lonely night_

_~~Through with Heartbreak; Not Long After, On the Road to Somewhere_

Eriol hadn't come to school. Terada-sensei said that he was busy packing and preparing to leave. Yamazaki had gotten a phone call early this morning as well. So had Sakura-san; even Li-kun had been informed that Hiiragizawa wouldn't be in today. So. So, Tomoyo thought, he was avoiding her, even though all the phone calling told her that perhaps he'd been considering calling _her too but hadn't because…last night…She'd seen Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon waiting in the branches of the elm tree as she'd left. Mizuki-sensei knew then. The only question that remained was; why, exactly, was Eriol avoiding her? His plane left early in the morning. But there was no real reason for him to miss school today; packing took very little time if one was experienced at it, which she knew him to be. Was it Mizkui's feelings or his own that kept him away?  Perhaps neither, perhaps her own. She loved him, but she was, and always has been, happy to settle for his friendship, if she could have it. They would need to talk before he left.  It was time, she mused, to finally lay all the cards on the table. _

"Make sure he's alone before you give it to him." Tomoyo told the hotel concierge. "That's very important." The man stared openly at her.

"Miss, you do realize that he's traveling with somebody, right?" He said, delicately. Tomoyo fixed him with the glassy-cold stare her mother had perfected in the boardroom.

"You'll make _sure_ he receives this when he is alone," She said calmly, "Even if you have to call him down under other pretenses." Her smile had fangs. "The document is rather time sensitive." The older man blinked. He cleared his throat.

"Of course, miss." He muttered rapidly.

She turned to go and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief, which she caught as she turned back. "Oh," She said causally, "and if, for some reason, it is _not_ delivered, do let me know." She bowed ever so slightly. "I'm Daidouji Tomoyo. Shall I leave my number or do you have it?" 

The concierge gulped. "I've got it, Daidouji-san." He said quickly. Tomoyo was pleased to see him holding up the envelope ever so slightly. 

"Good." She smiled, a real smile, and left the hotel.

_And you're not thinking about tomorrow,  
'Cause you were the same as me,  
But on your knees.  
~~Black Balloon; Goo Goo Dolls, Dizzy up the Girl_

He is warm but very formally polite with her parents, at least that she has seen.   When she is there.  He seems to get on better with them when she is not around, or so she's learned. She is well aware of why this is. Her parents don't approve of her choice and have said as much to his face.

"It is not that you're young." Her mother says, every single time, bowing. "Only that you're not right."  She says it when Kaho can't control her irritation at why they can't be better friends when she _is there; why they must act as strangers when the reason that they even know each other is sitting in the room with them, holding the hand of one and calling the others 'mama' and 'papa'._

It's not his magic that they object to, either. The fact that his power is only half of what it was seems to matter very little.  She doesn't understand why this is.  It certainly bothers her; poor Eriol was forced to halve his powers without a real chance to get to use them aside from in the fulfillment of Clow's wishes.  He still doesn't understand what he's lost.  This doesn't alarm her parents either even though her parent's main goal at the Shrine has always been to help people know and understand themselves.  They actually, according to her father, rather like Eriol; apparently his lack of powers and self-inspection and his age are no concern to them. They like him, but not with her, for her.  It 'isn't right'. She makes him talk to them when she calls and of course, these visits. She is, she supposes, hoping that they will come to accept his place in her life.

That doesn't erase the distance between them. The distance that isn't there when he talks to Daidouji Sonomi. He'd been warm and laughing with her while he'd sampled Akizuki's gingerbread families and had tea. If he'd been eleven yet he'd have been a smiling cherub, feet swinging and unable to touch the ground. 

He'd known that Daidouji-sama liked milk and honey in tea and that the blend was her own.  He'd had tea with her the week before, apparently.  The worst part of that, she feels, is the fact that he mentioned having had tea with Daidouji Sonomi as an afterthought. As something so typical and welcome that it hadn't even been worth mentioning.

"Oh, no, Fujitaka-sensei was busy so Sonomi-sama and I had tea with each other instead." And he'd smiled that smile she used to love so much. If she's honest, she still loves that smile…but before she was never afraid of what it might mean.

Her parents are, even now, wondering about what he will do…what she'll do 'after him'. It seems to be one of their favorite past-times. It comes up every week when she calls. Will she go back? Will she stay 'after this' or would she leave to never come back? She ignores them as they question her in favor of watching Eriol sit at the Moon Pond. She wonders if he's trying to divine his future or his fortune. She wonders what he is looking for and wishes that he wasn't looking for anything at all.

_Can you make me a promise?  
Stop it before we begin.  
~~Freak of the Week; Marvelous 3, Hey! Album_

He paced the suite in a feral mood. He wanted to be out, outside walking, getting rid of this tension he carried. He didn't dare. Some sixth sense told him that Tomoyo was out there. It had been screaming all day.  Eriol leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window. He couldn't _see_ her, of course, but that same sixth sense was screaming that Tomoyo-san, with her soft voice and smiling lips, was out there, somewhere; Tomoyo, with that glorious hair that his hands were drawn too, was out there in the night and Eriol knew that it would be suicide to leave the hotel. He'd find her, go straight to her and whatever was left of his sanity…he sighed deeply. Whatever was left of his sanity would go straight to hell, stopping only to climb merrily into the hand-basket.

He shoved himself away from the window suddenly and strode to the door. He paused. He was most certainly mad. He must be, to even think of leaving the room.

"Where are you going, Eriol?" Kaho was reading in their room. "Walking?" Her voice was sharp and it grated on his senses.

"Yes. No. Down to the lobby, for coffee." Eriol twisted the knob violently. "I'll be back later." He muttered.  He didn't even like coffee.

Down in the lobby was no better. If anything, it was worse than being in the room. He could see the door, open to let the night air in. He paced past it and drank cup after cup of coffee, snarling slightly. When the concierge approached him nervously, Eriol nearly took the poor man's head off. Until he saw what the other man was clutching and stammering about.

Eriol snatched the pale blue envelope from his hands as he stuttered. "She was most adamant, the young lady, sir…she was most certain that you were to be on your own…the lady, Miss Daidouji…"

"I know who it's from." Eriol stated brusquely, irritated by the man's nervous demeanor and anxious to read the letter. "Leave." He snapped when the man made no move to leave him to his own business. The man left. Quickly.

Part of him settled considerably just holding the letter in his hands. The rest of him thrummed with suppressed energy. He wanted to tear into the letter, but the part of him that had calmed made him open it carefully, gently, and pull the paper out slowly. His fingers tightened as he realized he could smell Tomoyo's perfume on the paper.  And he wondered that he knew that scent from scores of letters and had only just realized it now.

One line graced the page:_ Will you come to see me tonight?_

Eriol sucked in a hissing breath as the baser part of his nature came to the fore. He shoved the letter back into the envelope and marched to the concierge desk. He slapped the envelope onto it, in front of the stuttering employee. "Hold on to this for me." He said trapping the envelope suddenly with the flat of his hand as the concierge made to pick it up. "It goes into the safe. Nobody sees it but me. Nobody knows a thing about it." The twice-terrorized employee nodded jerkily. Eriol headed for the door. "And call up to my room. Let them know that I've decided on a walk after all."

His feet moved him automatically toward the park and he wished that there were clouds to cover the moon, so that he wouldn't think about last night.  Or maybe so that he could think about it more.  But Tomoyo was not at the park, nor was she waiting at the bench they'd met at, when he traced his steps back. She wasn't at the hedge that she used to sneak into and out of the house. She was not in any of the places that she had been. But tonight, tonight a faint light shone in her room and the door on her balcony stood open. Eriol compressed the base part of his nature ruthlessly. 

His fingers found the card with unerring accuracy. "Move." He whispered his eyes fixed on her balcony and the light in her room.

_It's hard to know_

_How far it all could go,_

_Waiting far too long _

_For something I forgot was wrong_

_~~Until I Fall Away; Gin Blossoms, New Miserable Experience_

Tomoyo was working on the ruffle of a baby's bonnet when she heard footsteps into her room. From the direction of her opened patio door. She felt her breath catch in her throat, but she didn't look up until she'd finished the gather she'd been working on. She laid it aside on the arm of the couch with a small smile, still not looking at him.

"Akiko-san, one of mother's bodyguards, left us last year because she was having a baby." She said softly by way of explanation.

"I remember." He said and she chanced a look at his face. He was still and quiet and humming with controlled energy. She drew her legs up onto the sofa beside her and looked back at the lace bonnet.

"Yes, I remember telling you about it." She said inanely. "She had it yesterday evening; a little girl. Toshi-san told me about it after…after…" She felt her cheeks heat. "After the park." She finished softly.

Eriol made a restless motion and moved farther into the room, stopping where the drawn-back curtain separated Tomoyo and her bedroom from him and her sitting room. "After I kissed you." He corrected, hushed.

"Yes," she agreed, "after we kissed." He didn't move, his body was as still as stone, but something inside him seemed to shift in agitation. He was, Tomoyo realized, rather like something wild, let out to roam and she wondered if what she was about to do was wise. Or rather, if what she was about to do was more dangerously reckless than she'd already thought.

"Will you sit with me?" She asked softly. He made a sound in his throat that she couldn't interpret. "Or have we…has what's between us been too damaged for that?" She had a second to wonder if he could hear her desolation at that thought before he crossed into her room, sinking gracefully on to the other end of her sofa. He looked down at his clasped hands and then over at Tomoyo. She studied him closely, watching the stillness and control and the edginess held at bay. He spoke first.

"Tomoyo-san," He whispered. "Tomoyo-san, don't say that we're not friends. I'm…"

"You called me 'Tomoyo' at the park." She interrupted. His eyes closed briefly and she watched as his fingers flexed faintly.

"I did." He agreed. "I had…had no right to do that. Or to do the other thing I did. I didn't think about it.  I don't think I've ever thought about doing what I did last night.  I had no right to..."  He trailed off with a sigh.

"Kiss me?" Tomoyo asked and she wasn't sure if she was giving him words or placing a request. It must have sounded like a request to him.

"Tomoyo-san, why? Why are you doing this?" His voice, to the trained ear, sounded strained. 

"I haven't done anything." She reminded him.

He laughed, short, hard and mirthless. "I know. I know. I have and that's why I'm trying to apologize. I have no right to say that you…"

Tomoyo took the expedient route of silencing him by rising to her knees and placing one hand on his shoulder. He stopped talking. His eyes locked on hers, every muscle taut. She leaned forward and placed her lips, very gently, over his.

He exploded into utter stillness as her lips played over his, taking advantage of the fact that he'd stopped in mid-word to steal a taste of his mouth. He lost his stillness to a wracking shudder, closing his eyes as she drew back from him.

"You taste like coffee, Eriol-san." She smiled.

His eyes fluttered open to half-mast and he regarded her seriously. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips and he was not the only one to shiver as he did so. "Why?" He managed his voice quiet. "Tomoyo-san, why did you do that?"

She told him the truth as simply as she could. "Because I love you."

His eyes closed as if in pain. "Sakura-san." He said flatly. She smiled and waited for him to look at her.

"I didn't know then, that I loved you," She said softly, "But the day that Yamazaki-san and Chiharu-san announced their engagement I told Sakura-chan that I didn't love her in that way anymore."

"No." He said. She waited. "You…you did? You told her that?"

"Yes. As we walked home that day I told her about your phone call and Sakura-chan told _me_ that she was happy that I'd finally found somebody to love, a somebody who loved me back…"

"She said that? Sakura-san?" His voice had risen with disbelief. "She said that you and I…" He trailed off with a gesture of his hands.

Tomoyo giggled and touched her fingers lightly to his fiercely blushing face. "She did. I reacted much worse than you did." She stroked and hummed softly in her throat, as he moved into the subtle caress. "I told her, of course, that you'd only called as a friend. That you wanted to see the moment that they told everybody else, so that you could be a part of it." She smiled. "And I asked Sakura-chan how long she'd known what it was that I felt for her."

Eriol watched her. "And?" He asked.

"Since the Final Judgement." Tomoyo replied. "She was shown a world without love; she saw how I was changed toward her. She never said anything, until that day, because she didn't want to hurt my feelings."

"Did she?" It was the concern of a friend in his face and in his voice and Tomoyo hugged it to her.

"No. She apologized furiously, of course and I just blurted out that I was okay, she hadn't hurt my feelings because I didn't love her like that anymore." Tomoyo's smile widened. "I didn't even know that myself, until I said it. But once I did say it I could feel how my love for Sakura-chan was different from what it had been before."

"You didn't say anything to me." He murmured.  

"I didn't know it was you, then.  I knew by Valentines Day." She said, simply.

"Valentines Day? So this year…. And last?" He asked. She watched as another incongruous blush lit his cheeks. Valentines Day chocolates embarrassed him? 

"Yes." She smiled at him again, unable _not_ to when thinking of her revelation. "Last year I realized that I knew all the names of your publishers and your work and class schedule and what you like best for tea. I cut your chocolates into the flowers from your garden."

His smile was faint and trembling. "You've never seen my gardens."

"But I have." She whispered, feeling something momentous in the air. "You've sent me flowers from it and I was there, in your letters, when you planted it. You've sketched it in the margins of our songs." She reached to touch him again, dropping her hand before she did so. "And I knew that I loved you; to have and cherish all those tiny things, those little moments in your day. I knew that I loved you.  I didn't dare tell you.  We had more than an ocean between us."

"An ocean and the entire Eurasian continent."  He smiled.  She watched his smile fade slowly. "Why tell me this now, Tomoyo-san? Why tell me, tonight, that you love me when I have to leave in the morning?" She looked down at her clasped hands miserably. "You weren't going to, were you?"

"No. I wasn't ever going to tell you. Not unless you asked me about it directly." She wrung her hands. "I was happy to just be your friend. To be able to share your life the way that I did was enough. I didn't want to confuse you or make you feel obligated or strange. I didn't want to make you stop writing to me, to stop being my friend."

"Tomoyo-san, I'd never…"

"And now, now it's too late." She interrupted, bitterness creeping into her tone. "Mizuki-sensei knows, for certain, how I feel."

"Kaho…knows?" Tomoyo stood, unable to watch as the understanding flooded through him at the mention of his lover.

"She knew, I think, before I did." She admitted. "I've been sending you my heart, letter by letter, for four years. But I only realized it this past year and by then it was too late to hide what I felt and trying to hide it would be the same as telling Mizuki-sensei that I knew that what I felt for you was more than friendship." She stopped and tilted her head back to stare unseeingly out her skylight. It was a clear night, she noted idly.

"That's what you meant, when you said that the something that was bothering Kaho wasn't me or anything that I'd done.  More than an ocean between us." Her fingers tightened on the bedpost and she most studiously didn't look at Eriol.

"Yes." She heard herself confess. "It was selfish of me, you were so confused, but if you'd known that the problem was me…" She trailed off with a sigh.

"And if I'd asked you about it, directly, what would you have told me?" His voice, she noted, was not angry, as she'd expected. It was curious more than anything else.

"What I just told you, I expect." She answered, turning to face him.

"And you thought that I'd stop writing? That I _will_ stop?" He asked his voice laced with incredulity. "Tomoyo-san, you're my best friend."

"I think," She corrected him, "That Mizuki-sensei will not let us continue as we have been, knowing what she does now." Tomoyo sank back onto the sofa. "She doesn't want you to know, I think, and so she hasn't really tried to take your attention from my letters, nor has she tried to stop them and I…Eriol-san?" He'd quite suddenly buried his face in his hands.

"I think that she has tried, Tomoyo-san. She's…there have been times when…" He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his eyes. "I thought sometimes that there was something going on, something I just couldn't quite see." He finished.

Tomoyo flinched.  He hadn't known where to look. "I'm sorry." She said, sincerely. "That's part of why I told you about this now. Tomorrow you'll leave and when you get back to England Mizuki-sensei will tell you how I feel."

"She won't. She wouldn't. Not if she doesn't want me to know." Eriol stated firmly. Tomoyo shook her head.

"She would. She will. And she'll tell you how it's only giving me false hope to write so often. That it's better to stop now and hurt me quickly instead of drawing it out."

"Tomoyo-san…"

"And you wouldn't want to hurt me or her…"

"Tomoyo-san!" He cut across her words roughly. "I wouldn't have stopped writing. I won't stop. This…this is between us…and Kaho has no place in it."

Tomoyo stared at her hands; not daring to look at the earnest expression she knew was in his eyes. "Kaho," she said, very deliberately, "Has been for over four years what I find myself wanting to be." She shot one quick glance at him. "If she wants to stop this, and she _does, she has a way." Tomoyo watched as Eriol began to pace the room, throwing out, from time to time, words to the effect that she, Tomoyo, was too important for Kaho to talk him out of being friends with-- no matter which way she might choose to go about it. Those words gave her hope and, more importantly, courage._

"Eriol-san? There is something else…something I didn't know I was going to ask you until yesterday." She ventured. 

He stopped in front of her and knelt quickly. "Anything. You want to visit Reed Manor? For me to visit more often? Phone calls?" He clasped her hands between his. "I don't want to lose you; Tomoyo-san, you're my best friend."

She swallowed hard. "I would…I would be more than that. For tonight." She could barely hear herself; it was a wonder he could hear her at all. But he did. She saw every word hit him.

"You…you want…. You…" He stammered, his body going unnaturally still again, his hands utterly motionless. It must be, she thought vaguely, some kind of reflexive reaction to stress or shock. Or both.

She wet her lips. "In the park, when you…when you put your hands…" She swallowed again, lifting one hand to touch her chest. "And you, the ties…you wanted…" She watched his eyes go dark.

"More." He breathed; eyes fixed on her hand. 

"And I," She wet her lips again…they were so _dry_. "I was going to let you…"

"Take?" He murmured, his eyes drifting up from her hand to her face.

"Have." She corrected. "Let us both…have…more." She felt herself leaning forward slowly, drawn to him. "And I want…tonight." She sighed softly. "I know that you…you have Mizuki-sensei, how you feel for her, but in the park, for a time I thought…" she drew a deep breath. "You're my friend.  You care about me and I want…I want to have…you." She whispered the last, looking him directly in the eye. 

"You want…" he sucked in a breath. "An hour, Tomoyo? Two? You deserve more than that." He told her, one hand leaving hers and cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking over her skin. "You deserve so much better than that, Tomoyo."

How, she wondered dimly, did she tell him that the pain of missing and remembering had to be better than that of wanting and never knowing? That it _must_ be better to love and lose than to love and never, ever have. "I want a memory, not just an imagining." She heard herself say. "To have somebody I love completely, somebody who loves me just as deeply, even if it's just as friends, that…I want that." She continued. "I know it's not fair to ask you. I know, but I'll miss you so much and I want…I just…_want.  And I love you, Eriol."_

_I can feel it burning, up inside my head  
Where I lose in wanting everything I said.  
Who will there be waiting…_

_~~Lose in Wanting; Iris, Disconnect_

* * *

Well!  Part Four will be up as soon as possible.  ^.^  As before, it's edits, proofs and tweaking.  


	4. 

Disclaimers from Chapter One apply.  Dedicated to everybody and most particularly Chelle-sama; who gets, totally _gets, my problem with darling Eri-sama.  _

Note: _This is where the ratings come into play, kittens, so mind yourselves.  If you're not comfortable reading it, send me an e-mail and I'll send you the last part of the file and you can read the story from where it picks up after…well._

* * *

She destroyed him. "Come to bed with me." The soft words drowned out everything in his head. Eriol lifted his other hand to frame her face. "Please, Tomoyo." He whispered as he ghosted his lips over hers. "Please come to bed with me." She'd been the one to ask him to stay, she'd kissed him tonight, and yet he had to ask, would beg if he had to. She sighed into his mouth as he stood, drawing her to her feet and into his arms. There was so many thoughts flying around inside his head, so much he'd have to think about, but for now, all the mattered was kissing her.  He'd figure things out later.

"Eriol." She breathed when the kiss finally broke. "Eriol." He smiled against her mouth, kissing her again and feeling his name against his mouth. It was like breathing, he thought; the most natural thing in the world to walk, kissing Tomoyo, the few paces from her couch to her bed; to sit and bring her down with him. He stroked his thumbs along her cheeks during long, languorous kisses.  He heard her whimper softly, twisting a bit in his arms. He broke off, smiling, and traced the curve of one ear with his forefinger.

"Am I going too fast, Tomoyo?" He drew her name out teasingly, and grinned as her eyes darkened.  He slid his fingers away from her ear and one by one over her lips. "Should I slow down?"

"Any slower," She said tartly, making him laugh, "and we'll have stopped."

He pressed his forehead against hers. "We have stopped, for the moment." He said, mock seriously, his mouth drawn in a small pout.

"Then I guess we'll have to start going backwards." Tomoyo sighed as if there were no help for it. She giggled softly at him as he pouted more.

"Do that again." He whispered, kissing her softly. "I like to hear you laugh." His eyes met hers again; all the traces of laughter were gone now. "I want to laugh with you, to laugh in bed with you." His voice sounded rough to his ears; his blood was moving slow and heavy in his veins. 

"We're not technically in bed." She told him quietly and he could see a hint of fear in her eyes.

He bit back a sweet sigh. "Oh, well, we'll have to fix that then." He muttered against her mouth as he pressed her slowly back into her pillows, coming down partly on top of her, lips moving gently over hers. "We can't have technicalities standing in our way." He said, deepening the kiss.

"Oh no." She agreed with a small moan. "Can't have that." She gasped as he skimmed one hand over her throat and down her chest, stopping just above her breasts, he waited, wanting.  He took his hand off of her and brought his fingers to the buttons on his own shirt.

"Can we have this?" He asked, searching her eyes for signs of wanting to stop.

"Your shirt?" She asked in apparent confusion, as she followed his gaze down to where his hand sat atop the buttons. She blinked at him.

"Well, I was hoping for yours too, eventually." He confessed, pulling a wry face before smiling. "It's easier to be naked with somebody who's already there." He told her.  

She pursed her lips. "Oh." She said with feigned innocence. "Sort of like gym class." She nodded.

"God, I hope not." He choked.  God, she was amazing. 

Tomoyo released a small puff of laughter. "We'll have to see." She nipped at his lower lip. "May I?" She asked, tugging the top shirt button free.

It was Eriol's turn to laugh, stealing a gentle, biting kiss. "I should be begging you 'please'." He said, nuzzling her hair, her ear.  He sat up and tucked his glasses away, unbuttoned his shirt cuffs, slipped his shirt and undershirt off over his head, and waited.

"Oh."  Her breath washed over his skin as she sat too.  "Oh my."   Tomoyo's fingers smoothed over the wing of his collar bone and along his shoulder, following the curve of his bicep, the warmth of her touch burned pleasantly on his skin.  Her tongue flicked over her lips as she watched her hand retrace its path, ending in the hollow of his throat.  "Gomen."  She whispered softly and before he could ask what she was apologizing for she leaned forward and bit him right where his neck and shoulder met.

"Tomoyo," He shuddered.  "Believe me, you don't need to apologize."  He felt a wicked smile against the abused skin and shuddered again.

"Gomenne, Eriol," formed a humid patch on the bite before being laved away with a kittenish lick.  "I'll try to remember that."  She shifted closer, her hands settling on his shoulders and the soft press of her nails into the muscles there combined with the sweet kiss to _that spot behind his ear made his eyes cross._

"Tomoyo, I'm going to do something…"  He broke off to moan briefly as Tomoyo nipped at his earlobe.  "Do something forward." He gasped, catching her hand as it moved down toward any number of intriguing destinations.  

She looked at him from dreamy eyes and smiled at the hand he held captive. "Please feel free."  She said politely in a voice that was as far from being fit for polite company.  She reached behind her neck, did something incomprehensible and the dress surrendered to her magic.  She shrugged her arms out of the sleeves and was bare to the waist.  He stared at her, at the impish amusement, the sweetness and apprehension mingling with the desire in her eyes.  

"My god, Tomoyo," He had only the weakest of words; but he used them, never taking his eyes off of her face.  "You're so beautiful."  She blushed, eyes dropping down and he ducked his own head.  "Kiss me?"  He was already kissing her as he asked.  He drew her close and the first touch of her bare skin on his made him want to pray.  Or commit blasphemy, he wasn't sure which would come out when he pulled away to speak.  "God," Whether he meant Tomoyo or some other deity didn't matter, "Now for that 'forward'." She kissed him again and he spoke into her mouth, loath to lose contact.  "Forward…I was going forward." Eriol lifted her against him and shifted until they were stretched out on the middle of her bed.  He pulled Tomoyo on top of him and sighed as she kissed him again her hair swinging down to form a curtain between them and the rest of the world.  He couldn't help snickering as an inane detail broke through the haze that was his mind.

"Hmm?"  Tomoyo kissed his chin and smiled, waiting to be let in on the joke.  "What's funny?"

"I am unreasonably happy that habit made me kick my shoes off at the door."  He kissed the corner of her mouth and watched a smile steal across her face.

She rested her fingers against his jaw.  "I am too."  She caught her breath as he dipped his head and kissed the curve of her shoulder, letting it out in a shudder as he kissed a trail up her throat and back down.

"I'm just unreasonably happy."  He moaned as her fingers raked through his hair and moaned again as he slid his hands down the smooth skin of her back, over the hills of her vertebrae before rolling them over.  He drew away and looked down at her.

"I am too."  She whispered.  He was startled to see tears; they reminded him of exactly what this was, what it meant.  It must have showed on his face because she kissed him until they were gone and she was smiling again.  "Somehow I think we'd be even happier without all our clothes on."  

"That's a brilliant idea."  He chuckled, willing to let go if she was, and dusted her face with light kisses.  "You're so clever, Tomoyo."  

She giggled and evaded his kiss.  "I am."  She shoved at his chest.  "If you don't move we can't implement my brilliant idea."  He grinned and sat back, folding himself into a lotus position.  He couldn't possibly mediate but at least it would keep him from jumping across the bed and ravishing her before she could get out of her dress.  He told her as much when she gave him a pointed look; her disapproving 'really, Eriol' made him laugh.

"I wish I had my glasses."  He told her cheerfully as she did away with the skirt of her dress.  When it was gone he nearly swallowed his tongue and was most profoundly grateful he _didn't have his glasses on.  _

"Your eyes just crossed."  Tomoyo sounded infinitely satisfied.

"I'm surprised they didn't fall out."  Eriol managed to say, his eyes fixed.  "I really, really like your choice in underwear, Tomoyo."  He reached out a shaking hand to touch the white roses that laced up the side.  "Does this," he had to swallow or choke.  "This…unlaces?"  

Tomoyo's cheery nod made him gulp.  "You seemed disappointed that you didn't get to undo the ties on my choir cloak.  So I was optimistic and gave you something else to untie."  He was fairly certain he went blind when he gave an experimental tug and left Tomoyo naked before his eyes.  "Hmm."  He heard her say; it was reassuring to know he hadn't died.  "I'm glad I went with the satin cord for the laces, instead of the silk.  That went very smoothly."

"You made those?"  His voice was faint and a lot raspier than he'd expected.  He didn't even need to wait for her blissful confirmation before he fell back against the bed and covered his eyes.  "Quantum physics, nuclear war, Spinel on a sugar high, _Ruby Moon on a sugar high, Cerberus's snacking habit…"_

"Eriol?"  Tomoyo's voice would have been concerned if not for the overlying mirth.  She placed a hand on his knee. "Are you alright?"  The hand slid up.

He shook.  "Mostly."  Her hand continued north, continued making him shake.  "Less so."  Her fingers traced the button on his slacks.  "Nope."  He stilled her fingers.  "Give me another minute."

"No."  The amusement was gone, replaced with heat and hurry.  Her fingers slipped out of his and went back to work.  He caught them again only to have her brush his hand away.  "Eriol, no, let me."

Something more was at work.  She wouldn't look at him as he sat up, just kept working at the button.  He'd never known her fingers to fumble before.  "Tomoyo?"  She didn't answer.  "Tomoyo what's wrong?  Why are you rushing?"  Her entire body froze, shocking him.  "Tomoyo…"  He tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to bring her chin up so he could see her eyes only to have her turn her head away.  "Tomoyo, if you're…if you want to stop, just tell me." He waited in the silence, in the sudden stillness, for her to set their course.

"Ruby Moon and Spinel were in the park."  She said finally.  "We hadn't been gone for very long."  She fell back to silence but she didn't need to say any more.  He understood what it was she didn't say.

"That won't happen now."  He kissed her eyelids one after the other and sent his guardians the impression that trying to find him tonight would be tantamount to suicide.  "Not this time. I swear it.  There's nothing to stop us tonight but ourselves. We have all the time in the world tonight."  Maybe he couldn't give her everything, but he could give her this.  "For now, Tomoyo, you're all there is. We're everything."  He pulled her hands up and placed a kiss in each palm and settled her hands at her side.    He undressed quickly, and settled in for a leisurely exploration.  "It's true; I'll show you."

He kissed down the line of her arm and found the place at the crook of her elbow that made her laugh and stayed there for a minute just to hear her giggle and protest before he moved on and found the spot on her wrist that didn't make her laugh at all.  He stroked his way over her ribcage and found himself utterly entranced by the line of her breast, the way it moved as she breathed and the way that movement differed when she gasped.  She was amazing and he told her.  He sought out all the places that would make her go glassy eyed and needful and the places that made her melt.

"Eriol."  She pushed him away from his study of the slope of her stomach and sat up.  

"Tomoyo."  He replied, kissing her.  She smiled against his mouth before shoving him away again.

Her gaze was heavy-lidded with arousal but still clear.  "I want to do this to you."  She reached out and stroked on finger along his chest.  "I want you to show me how to make you feel what I felt."  She said and that stroking finger turned into a hand that was, startlingly, cradling a part of his anatomy he hadn't gotten around to thinking about her touching.

He coughed.  "I think we can…" She moved her hand and he wondered if he'd be permanently cross eyed.  "Okay."  A second move of her hand had him tumbling to lie flat on his back.  "Oh, yeah."  He sighed happily.  Tomoyo giggled.

"You're a good teacher, Eriol."  She murmured as he sighed and moaned beneath her questing touch.  "Everything I liked, you like."  She smiled at him, sweetly and dropped a kiss low on his abdomen.  "Show me one more thing?"

"Anything.  Everything."  

Tomoyo's mouth twisted, though he wouldn't have called it a smile exactly.  "I want you to show me what it's like to be part of you."

Eriol felt his heart crack.  "You already are."  He whispered and he pulled her down to lie with him.  "Like this," He told her, arranging her atop him. "You'll have all the control.  If you want to stop, you can stop; if you need to slow down, you can do that too.  I'm yours." She seemed to freeze above him for a moment, something infinite and deep in her eyes.  

"It's alright, Tomoyo.  I won't hurt you."  He brushed her hair back from her face.

 "It will hurt, I'm sure.  But it's worth it."  She whispered finally and he had to kiss her; reared up and held her face as he kissed her mouth and she took him into her body.  And if the tears in that moment were his, if he missed a revelation, then he didn't notice.  He was content and they were absolutely everything.

_Find the answers,  
Ask the questions,  
Find the roots of an ancient tree,  
~~Night Ride Across the __Caucasus__; Loreena McKennitt, Book of Secrets  _

Eriol isn't back yet.  The lobby called up nearly two hours ago to tell her he'd 'decided on a walk' and he still isn't back.  It's late; nearly midnight.  She isn't waiting up for him.  She's packing.  She's had all the laundry done and she's decided to pack it now, instead of in the morning.  It'll be, she thinks, one less thing for them to do before leaving Japan and she's anxious to leave.  

So she packs.  Slowly, with care; like a meditation.  Normally she packs her things in one suitcase and his in another; it's orderly and efficient.  Tonight she is methodically placing his shirts with hers, mixing their socks, his slacks beneath her skirts.  She is wise enough to know that she is very worried and that this is some attempt to have a say in the situation as it stands.    His things are with hers and so he is with her.  Eriol is with _her_ and nobody else; even if he hasn't come back yet tonight.

Spinel and Ruby Moon have refused to go looking for him tonight.  She had asked several times and always the answer is no.  The last time she had asked caused Akizuki to leave the room without a word.  Spinel looked as though he would have liked to leave as well, she thinks now.  She knows that she made them uncomfortable and she regrets it now only because of the answer it prompted.  Spinel, in his large form, sighing at her and telling her that Eriol is in no danger and that, short of disaster, they are not to seek him out.

What had she said to him?  That Eriol wanted time alone?  Something along those lines, because Spinel had nodded and agreed that Eriol wanted his privacy, he'd agreed in that cautious tone that bespeaks careful wording.  She is trying, now, not to think of what was said and not said.  So maybe he is saying goodbye to Tomoeda and his friends or Daidouji.  She's acting foolishly; he could be doing any number of things from stargazing to balancing his checkbook at one of the all-night cafés.  Eriol has spent great amounts of time on his own before without her worrying about what it could or could not mean.  That he wants privacy is nothing much, she is sure.  It's nothing at all, really, even if he's with somebody else right now; because in the end he is with her, his things tumbled together with her own.  She smiles, stroking her fingers across the front placket of his shirt.  She lifts it to her face and inhales, searching for traces of his scent in the fabric but there is none; there is only the smell of detergent and fabric softener.  There wouldn't be she reminds herself as she places it with the others; it's no comfort.

She keeps packing.  And if she's crying, she ignores it. 

_One more night alone  
It's all she never wanted  
One more time at home without him_

_~~The Worst Time; Karma, Unrelased cd (Expect it in soon!)  _

"You should go." Tomoyo murmured, addressing the words to the dark head drowsing on her stomach. She couldn't remember when they'd rolled over, or why.  Something about wanting to listen to her heart, she thought.  She combed her fingers through his hair once, again. He didn't move. "Koibito." She whispered. "You should go." No response. "Eriol." She said, firmly.

Eriol blew a tickling breath down her stomach, ruffling the sheet. "No, I shouldn't." He told her, just as firmly.

"You should." She said again, fingers absently tracing patterns across his shoulders. "I should make you." 

He caught one of her hands and pulled it over so he could kiss the inside of her wrist. "You wouldn't." He muttered in sleepy confidence. She laughed softly and felt him smile. "Do that again. You sound like a waterfall mixed with an earthquake." 

She giggled. "Sometimes, Eriol, you're very silly." She told him. He chuckled warmly and kissed her wrist again before moving it back to his shoulders.

"I know something that would make it so you _couldn't_ make me go." Eriol informed her, his hand disappearing from sight.

"Oh, good." Tomoyo sighed as she arched into his caress. "I was hoping you did."  Starburst patterns formed under her eyelids before exploding into fireworks as his mouth found hers.  "I'm so glad you're so clever."  She gasped as his other hand slid underneath her as he levered his weight off of her.  He lifted her back away from the bed, bringing her breasts to his mouth.

"You're enthralling."  He brushed his mouth across the underside of one breast.  "Captivating."  He continued, nuzzling the curve of her ribs.  "Enchanting."  His tongue slid out to taste the skin of her hip as he lowered her back to her sheets.  He moved lower and smiled lazily.  "You're caught."  His smile was glittering heat.

  
Tomoyo settled back, smiling to herself.  "Caught?"  He nodded, eyes shinning.  Her eyes slid shut of their own volition.  "Well, I guess I could always scream for help or something."  He laughed, dark and rich.

"Or something."  He decided.  He was right.

She was fairly certain that they slept after that. She wasn't sure for how long, but she assumed it wasn't very, since she found her self coming fully awake in a bathtub full of hot water, bubbles and Eriol, while it was still fully dark outside. "Eriol?" She yawned, leaning back against him. "Not that it isn't pleasant, but why are we in my bathtub?" She watched idly as he blew a handful of bubbles over her shoulder.

"If I said, you'd probably blush all over." He told her smugly. He dropped a kiss on her hair. Tomoyo turned in the bath, folding her hands across his chest and resting her chin on her hands. Eriol leaned down to rub noses gently.

"Is it because we were starting to stick together?" Tomoyo asked and, batting her eyes as Eriol flushed pink, she was a picture of perfect innocence. "You blush worse than I do." She observed mildly.  In fact…she pushed back a bit to gaze down into the water, "That goes all the way down, doesn't it?"  It was cute.  "I'm never going to be able to see you blush without thinking about just where it starts.  And it's just unseemly to be thinking about those kinds of places when out in public."

He blushed harder and passed a hand over his eyes. "Do you know, I didn't think I'd ever hear _you_ say something like _that._" He told her. Tomoyo bit her tongue as a wicked thought flittered into her mind. 

"You do a lot of not-thinking for such a smart guy." She told him, hiding a smirk. "Like you didn't think to ask about birth-control. Twice." Eriol's hand splashed heavily into the water as his eyes became horrified saucers. He had bubbles in his hair. All in all, Tomoyo decided, it was an interesting look on him. "But," she took pity on him, "since you were thoughtful enough in other areas," she arched a brow at him, "I guess I could let you know that _I_ already thought about that." She giggled as he began to breathe again.

"That was cruel, Tomoyo-sama." He said huffily. He spoiled the image of offended piety by leering down the length of the bath. "But I guess the lovely view makes up for your latent mean-streak." He began to wash her back in long, smooth strokes.

She slapped his chest lightly. "You'd better be talking about my eyes, Hiiragizawa." She admonished sternly.

Eriol poked his tongue into his cheek and flicked a glance from her eyes, down the bath and back to her eyes. "Those are lovely too." He said finally.

She giggled and kissed him soundly. "I'm sure."

"I've haven't seen you with all your hair up since the day at the Water Park." He said suddenly, his fingers touching the messy bun she'd pulled her hair into earlier, entranced.

She planted a string of kisses along his collarbone. "I didn't want it to get wet." She didn't stop him, though, as he began to pull the pins out. Instead, she leaned forward to kiss him again. She sighed in pleasure as he left her mouth and suckled at her shoulder, leaving a love bite; something tangible, something she could look at over the next few days and prove to herself that everything had been real, even if it would hurt to watch it fade.  

"There."  He studied his handiwork with pride.  "Now we match."  He rubbed his thumb over the mark he'd made and smiled.

Tomoyo looked.  "No we don't.  Mine's right here."  She kissed the spot where she'd bitten him and his hand tightened gently on her shoulder as he moaned softly.  "Yours," She let the words form against his skin to make him shiver.  "Yours is all the way over here."  She punctuated the words with a string of kisses leading to the curve of his shoulder. 

"So it is, so it is."  Eriol agreed with a wicked smile.  "Shall I give you another?"  He placed his own string of nips and kisses, leading from his mark to her throat, trailing up to her jaw and down again.  

"Don't you dare."  She rested her cheek against his hair for a moment, nuzzling.  "I can hide the one easily enough but I think Mother would start to wonder why I insist on turtleneck pajamas."

He drew back and pursed his lips.  "Hm.  I'll just have to find someplace else to leave one."  His eyes held laughter along with dark swirls of arousal.  He rearranged them until he could reach her breasts.  "Maybe here."  He licked a stripe down the swell of her breast.  "Or here."  Another wet swath up the under curve he seemed to be fascinated with.  "I could try here."  He whispered unevenly before kissing her nipple, tugging it into his mouth briefly and releasing it with a reluctant sigh, "But I don't think it'd work."

"You could try."  She heard herself moan as he made a path of delicate, sucking kisses to her other breast.  "I wouldn't mind."

A low, husky laugh answered her.  "I'll have to keep that in mind for the next time."  She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek; there wasn't going to _be a next time.  This was the only time.  She stared down at him, at his eyes gone to the color of smoke and plums, and she was suddenly, fiercely angry.  She slid down against him, taking him into her in a single, swift move.   He arched up against her, shock warring with other less discernible emotions.  But he didn't ask her if she wanted to change locations, didn't ask her if she was sure she was up to another bout; he kissed her furiously and moved with her, keeping time with her frantic body.  She couldn't take her eyes from his, couldn't speak. Tomoyo found that all she could do was this one thing; love him.  She could love him one more time, watching his eyes as they moved together, and memorize him, this.  Water slopped over the rim of the bath in waves but Eriol didn't seem to notice and she didn't care.  She tried hard not to notice as they tumbled replete into her bed that outside the sky was noticeably less dark than it had been. _

He fell asleep quickly.  She watched him, unable to find sleep for herself.  He was so pale and beautiful, even though there were bluish smudges under his eyes that marked how little sleep they'd gotten.  She probably had the same dark marks under her own eyes. She'd be useless in school tomorrow.  Today.  It didn't matter much.  She touched a fingertip to the corner of his eye, the place it crinkled when he smiled.  He'd have crow's feet there in another twenty years.  She caressed the smooth cheek that would bear the laugh lines he'd earn from the happy, playful smile he always wore.  She wouldn't see them; the keycard to his hotel room was glowing white on her carpet.  "Oh Eriol, I'll miss you so much."  She said too quietly to wake him.  She got up silently, found her robe and made her way to her theater.

The theater was already set to run the video she'd been watching days ago; her sketch pad was open on the projector's base.  She'd been working on a design for Sakura's wedding dress.  A smile touched her face.  Li-kun would propose sooner or later, she had no doubts, and Tomoyo aimed to be ready.  She settled in to watch, sketching absently; Sakura-chan should have a dress that was at least _reminiscent of her costumes, the Cards and those costumes had been the beginning of everything.  It wasn't until she'd finished, until she was putting the finishing touches on the bride's long, curling hair that Tomoyo realized she'd drawn herself into a dress with lace enough and ribbon enough that Sakura would automatically refuse.  Her lip trembled and for the first time since she'd realized her feelings, she cried.  _

"I wish you could help me now, Sakura-chan."  She whispered through her tears as on-screen her best friend leapt to the rescue.  She was wise enough not to try dreaming her way out of it; things were ending.  It was time to cry now, to say goodbye now, so that she could let go of her lover in the morning and let him be her friend.  He needed to follow his own fate, but at least she'd had her say.  She shut the power off and wiped her face.  She mopped up the water they'd spilled in the bathroom and found her stationary and a pen.  There wasn't much to say but she said what was in her heart, giving it to the man in her bed one last time.  She picked up the keycard to his hotel room, holding it and feeling how cold and sharp the edges were in her clenched fist before wrapping it in her letter and tucking it into his pants pocket.  The sun would be up soon and he'd need to leave before anybody in the house was really awake.  She'd have to stay awake, but at least she could do it in his arms.

She tucked herself in to the curve of his body and felt his arm come around her waist to hold her close. "Missed you…"  Tomoyo felt the words, indistinct with sleep, stir her hair.  She ran her fingers along the back of his hand, tracing the veins and he turned his hand, tangling their fingers. She drew that small tenderness into her heart, wrapped it around herself.  She let the last few hours of darkness be all the time in the world.  And they were everything.

_Cast your eyes on the ocean_

_Cast your soul to the sea_

_When the dark night seems endless_

_Please remember me_

_~~Dante's Prayer; Loreena McKennitt, Book of Secrets_

The first thing he felt was a warm kiss against his shoulder blade. It was, thought Eriol, a lovely way to wake up. Her voice was the next thing that registered.

"Eriol. Eriol-san, it's time to get up." She whispered. His lips curved briefly, but he didn't open his eyes. "Eriol, you need to wake up right _now_. She said louder, shaking him. He flipped quickly, catching her against his chest.

"Ohayou, Tomoyo-san." He said brightly. She laughed softly under her breath.

"Ohayougozaimasu, Eriol." She said, kissing him gently. Then, "It's time." She said seriously, drawing away from him. He didn't let her.

"It's still early."  He protested.  "It's too early to go."  Only, it wasn't.  She shook her head.   Eriol considered his options.  "Wait…I've got something that'll work."  He tugged her down onto the bed with him and underneath the blankets.  He smiled at her in the cozy semi-darkness.  "It's going to get a little stuffy, I think, but it'll work."

Tomoyo looked at him in confusion. "What are we doing?"

"Well, we're using the 'magic cocoon' theory."  She blinked at him and he kissed her cheek.  "I don't have enough magic to stop time."

"Oh, Eriol."  She giggled softly and slipped away from him.  Once out of the bed she pulled the blankets from over his head and kissed the tip of his nose.  "Now, put your clothes on."

He watched the sadness in her eyes grow, felt something in his chest grow in proportion to it. "What if I didn't?" He pushed, foolishly; he knew that he had to leave, had to go back to his hotel, to England, to the real world. "What then, Tomoyo?"

Her smile was real, even if it didn't reach the deepest part of her eyes. "I'd shove you naked off my balcony rather than let my bodyguards or my mother find you naked in my bed." She leaned in for one, quick, darting kiss. "At least if they find you on the lawn, I can tell them that you're some kind of pervert."

Eriol chuckled and tucked his arms under his head. "You wound me, Tomoyo-san." 

"You will be wounded, if you don't move." He watched the hem of her robe flutter as she went about gathering his clothes together and tutting over the hopelessly obvious wrinkles. It was sweet. 

He sat up. "If I get a proper kiss." His voice was thick. "One kiss." He could hear sounds from the rest of the house now, the waking-up, morning sounds of a household ready to start the day. He needed to leave.

"One kiss." Tomoyo agreed faintly. When she leaned over to kiss him Eriol pulled her off her feet and fully onto his lap. He couldn't stop himself from burying his hands in her hair again; kissing her with a hunger that belied the past night.

"Two." He temporized, loath to let her go as she tried to pull away. 

"Eriol, we can't." She whimpered, twisting away from him.  He'd made the sadness worse. He reached out, shushing her as she started to protest. He gathered her carefully against his chest in a tender hug.

"I'm sorry, Tomoyo." He kissed her temple. "I'm sorry." She nodded without speaking; a silent agreement, he thought, that she, too, was sorry. Outside her room the sounds of the household got louder. He released her reluctantly, accepting her small smile with one of his own as he began to dress.

"I'm going to go have a shower." She told him, back to him. "You can…" She sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. "Would you be terribly disappointed if I said that I didn't want to watch you leave?" 

Eriol finished pulling on his shirt and crossed the room in three quick strides. He took her hand, bringing her wrist to his mouth; he kissed the skin on the inside gently, bringing his eyes up to meet hers. "Right here," he said against her skin, without meaning to, "you smell like the breeze in the West Garden." He wasn't sure why that fact mattered so much, now. "I planted narcissus and cinnamon and vanilla a few years ago. It smells like you, in the spring and summer it smells just like you." He kissed her wrist again, tenderly.

"Eriol." He watched her throat work for words; saw her flinch at a voice in the hall. "You need to go." She murmured, eyes filling. "Goodbye, Eriol-san."

"Tomoyo…." He whispered, hurting in some undefined way.  "Nothing is going to change.  We'll always be friends.  I'll be your friend forever, no matter what.  I promise." He used Move before she could say a word to him. He stepped out of the hedge and onto the sidewalk without looking back. It was only after he'd covered half the distance back to the hotel that he realized he might not have his key. He stopped dead in the middle of the street. A quick feel of his pocket revealed that he _did_ have his keys; and something else. He pulled a letter, written on pale blue paper, out of his pocket. Tomoyo had been up very early this morning, he thought. He decided to read it immediately, as she'd left no instructions as to when to open it.

_Haikei__ Eriol,_

_I wanted you to have one last letter from me, because we both know that from now on there probably won't be any letters and if there are, they won't be like before. I wanted to have this one last moment with you._

_I love you, Hiiragizawa Eriol, as a friend and as so much more. If there has been anybody or anything that has meant as much to me as you, I can't remember what or who it was._

_Keigu__,_

_Tomoyo___

He felt as though he'd been hit hard in the stomach. He closed his eyes, willing himself to deal with his feelings so he wouldn't miss his plane. So he could go back to Reed Manor with Kaho and be a proper friend to Tomoyo and not…not whatever he was right now.  Not whatever it was he wanted to be to Tomoyo.

It was rather like being stabbed, he thought dimly before nearly getting run over by a blur of school uniform and a chorus of 'I'm going to be late!' He caught Sakura-san by the arm before she could send them both to the pavement.

"Sorry!" She gasped. "I—Eriol-kun?" She blinked at him. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Sakura-san." This, he told himself firmly, was not a lie. He wasn't hurt. Not precisely.

"You look hurt." Sakura told him.

"You didn't run into me. I'm fine." He assured her.

"That's not what I meant." She replied. "I meant, 'you look like you tore your own heart out'." She looked worried. "Are you hurt, Eriol-kun?"

And it was a measure of just how far outside of normal his day was that when Eriol opened his mouth to say 'I'm sure I'm fine, Sakura-san, thank you for your concern', what actually came out was, "I'm a stupid, sorry bastard." And then he sat down on the curb and put his forehead on his knees, wrapping his arms his legs. 

"You _are_ hurt." Sakura said, dropping down beside him. One small hand patted his back soothingly.

"I don't know what I am." He said, muffled.

Sakura rubbed soothing circles on his back for a long moment.  "You're in love.  And you're in need of a shower."  She said finally.  "You probably should have showered at Tomoyo-chan's house before you left."

Eriol choked.  "I didn't…I wasn't…it's not like that!"

"You're going to deny it?" Sakura asked and Eriol saw that she was suddenly, startlingly, furious. "You'd spend the night with her and then say that you _don't_ love her?"  She stood up abruptly, one hand clutching her necklace.  Eriol was more afraid than he'd ever been as she seemed to grow to twice her normal height. 

"Sakura-san!" Eriol said desperately. "Sakura-san, wait! It isn't what you think!"  It was a bad move on his part, waves of power rolled off of her.  "Wait!"  He ducked and missed, by millimeters, being brained by the Star-Staff. "I love Tomoyo-san!" He shouted. Then he stopped dead. He did?

"You do?" Sakura said suspiciously, slowly pocketing the Sword. 

Eriol nodded, utterly thunderstruck. "I do." He remembered grinning over blue paper, hours listening over and over to a tape of an unaccompanied soprano, sending flowers from his garden, pouring out his heart in the middle of the night and felt radiantly happy.  "I've loved her for _years."_

"Of course you have."  Sakura's affectionate chiding floated over his ears without him really hearing it at all. 

"Sakura-san, I love Tomoyo-san!" He whispered in awe. "I love Tomoyo!" He threw back his head and shouted it. "I love her!"  Sakura clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shh." She admonished, shaking the staff back into its key. "Do you want the whole neighborhood to hear you?" She dropped her hand as he beamed at her. "You look like an over-eager puppy when you do that." She leaned over and picked up her school satchel. "So, have a nice trip back to England. I have day duty this morning." She began to walk away and Eriol stared after her in complete and utter shock.

"England?" He said breaking his stupor. He ran to catch her up. "Sakura-san…"

"Your plane leaves this morning, right?" She shrugged elaborately. "So, have a good trip home."

"I can't go to England!" Eriol wondered at the scandalized tone of his voice, but didn't dwell on it as he was thinking about more important matters. "Tomoyo-san is _here_. I can't leave her! Not after last night!" He winced suddenly. "Not," He muttered, trying to save Tomoyo's dignity and reputation, "that anything happened last night."

Sakura giggled. "Eriol-kun…you smell funny. Your clothes are all wrinkled and you have bits of Tomoyo's hedge in your hair."

"No, it's not that…it isn't that at all!" He protested, thinking furiously. "I just…"

"It's not a regular funny smell." Sakura told him, talking over him. "It's the funny 'Give us a minute, Sakura-chan!' smell. And last time Syaoran-kun and I visited Hong Kong Er-jie had just gotten married. It's that same smell."

"N-no. Sakura-san…it wasn't— it isn't…" He was, Eriol realized, blushing rather like a scandalized Victorian lady of the highest breeding. Sakura, however, sounded as matter of fact as if she were discussing routine household chores.

"And I've never seen you have wrinkly clothes." She continued on calmly. "Plus the only way to get Tomoyo's hedge all over you is if you go through it. And Sonomi-obasan likes you. She'd let you in the front door." She shrugged. "So you sneaked out through the hedge, unless you just sneaked over very, very early…but," She frowned slightly, "You'd still have had to sneak back out." She smiled suddenly. "I hope you spent all night, Tomoyo-chan loves you a lot."

"You…you…you…" Eriol knew he sounded like a skipping record, but it was truly the only thought in his very confused, very embarrassed brain.

"Well, no." And here, he thought, Sakura had the good graces to blush. "I haven't. But Da-jie and Er-jie are both married and San-jie is engaged. Si-jie is dating. They talk a lot."  She tilted her head, "And then Syaoran-kun's mother makes us all tea."

Eriol shook his head to clear it. "Sakura-san, what do I do?" He asked feeling helpless.

Her air of surprise and mild amusement mirrored Ruby Moon's from a few nights earlier. "Don't you know, Eriol-san?" She giggled and patted his face affectionately. "I can't tell you what you should do. But you already know anyway."  A sparkling current of her power drifted around them.

"Sakura-san! Do you have any paper?" His mind worked frantically, trying to think of words to fit what he was feeling, words to tell Tomoyo what was happening, what would happen.  He looked at the sheet of paper Sakura thrust into his hands and sharply back up at her. "Chibiusa?"

She smiled, secretive and serene. "Akizuki-san lent it to me. I thought I might need some." She plucked the note he hadn't noticed he'd written from his hands. "Would you like me to give this to Tomoyo-chan?"

He blinked. "Please." He turned, heading for his hotel room when Sakura's voice stopped him. It sounded very serious.

"Eriol-san…." She hesitated then sighed. "Be careful. Listen very hard, okay? And…" She titled her head to the side, studying him closely. "Remember what it's like to want something you can't have."  Her eyes were unhappy for a moment.  "Be careful."   He blinked at her. As he watched she shook her head and smiled. "I've got to go.  I'll see you later!"  She waved and jogged up the steps to school.  

Eriol thought about what she'd said as he walked.

_Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over  
Don't wanna be somewhere I just don't belong  
Where it's not enough just to be sorry  
(I'm sorry)  
~~ Bed of Lies; Matchbox20, Mad Season_

He doesn't even try to be quiet as he enters the room and it tears at her.  He knew then, that she'd be awake.  He always could sense it, it seems.  He looks like her worst fears confirmed as he stands in the open door for a moment before shutting it with a quiet click behind him.  "Good morning, Kaho."  He says softly.  Part of her wants to tell him that he should just call her Mizuki, after last night.  She doesn't.

"Do you really think it is?"  He looks at her in utter sadness for a long moment, and it's so obvious that he's torn between answers.  How could he be, she wants to ask.  How could he be torn between agreeing that yes, this morning is good or saying no, it is not?  Seeing him clearly for what must be the first time in ages hurts her eyes and heart.  Eriol doesn't answer her.

"I'm sorry."  He says and crosses the room to stand before her.  "I'm sorry, Kaho."  He reaches out to take her hands as he's done a hundred-thousand times before.

Unlike before she pulls away from his comfort.  "Not for the right thing."  

He bites his lip for just a moment, eyes shuttered.  "No.  I'm not sorry for spending the night with Tomoyo."  And there it is.  Confirmed.  Out in the open.  Acknowledged.  They won't hide from this truth and suddenly she wants to.  She wants to hide between half-formed words and sentences and not know for certain how right and how wrong she has been.

"I didn't believe you were."  She moves past him to retrieve her cup of tea from the coffee table.  It's long since cold, but then she's not drinking it because she's thirsty.  "We'll have to talk about it you know, if we're going to put it behind us."  She turns to look at him.  He's looking out the window again, looking across Tomoeda, toward the girl he left this morning.  There is regret in his gaze when his eyes come back to her and a set determination.  

She has lost him.  "We'll talk."  His voice is hushed.  "I know that you probably have questions and I'll do my best to give you answers.  You deserve them."  His hand touches against his pocket for a moment and he looks back over the city briefly.  "You deserve better than this," he sighs, "but I've been a real idiot.  I…"

"You're not coming back to Reed Manor."  She wants to cry at the faint light of relief in his eyes as he shakes his head.  _Why, why, why?  "I see."  She tries to pull the tranquil peace of the moon around her, to keep herself from crying out, but the moon has set and the sun already risen.  "You know that it's a mistake, don't you?"  Even she cringes from the tone of her voice and Eriol has the grace to look away, to close his eyes.  "Surely you won't let your lust keep you here?  There is nothing for you here; even if Daidouji is that sort of girl."  Her anger is pouring out in waves and she can't stop the flow of words even as she wishes she could hold them back._

"Kaho, don't.  Please don't be bitter."  But her heart can't listen to his pleas.  

"I should have stopped this years ago!"  She should have done something.  She could have done things differently and they wouldn't be here she thinks.  "I should have stopped this, when those chocolates arrived, I should have said something then.  We wouldn't even be here now.  This never would have happened two years ago.  Never."  He's still and she's shaking and she wants him to _agree with her.  "This wouldn't have happened.  You would have quit writing her and this wouldn't have ever been an issue.  If you'd have only known then!"  Hindsight is twenty-twenty, always._

Or not; he's shaking his head 'no' again.  "If I'd have known two years ago," He won't let her eyes leave his, "If I'd have known, I'd never have put you through this and I'm so sorry."  

"You were…were you just using me until you were certain of Daidouji then?"  The very idea is too horrible to comprehend, but what if it's true?

Eriol seems to see her clearly, too, for the first time in a long time.  He looks as though he'd hold her, if such an action wouldn't shatter her or give her false hope.  "No.  Kaho, I loved you.  You were the first."  He smiles, small and humorless, but it's a smile all the same.  "You knew what I was from the beginning and you treated me as you would have treated any man you were interested in.  It meant so much to me, to know it didn't matter to you."  She wants him to be heading towards a happy ending for them, but she knows that he isn't and she must close her eyes if she's going to listen to him and not hope.  "I did love you."  He says softly.  "Don't doubt that."  He has tears in his eyes.  Saying these things is hurting him as much as her.  "I never thought to look at anybody else once I knew what you felt for me.  And I knew that Tomoyo-san's heart was as set as mine and so I never thought to look beyond what she showed me in her letters.  And if I had I might have looked at what I was saying to her.  I just didn't see it because I didn't look for it.  I couldn't figure out why those letters seemed to bother you because I was a coward, I guess.  If I would have just sat down and thought, but I couldn't imagine anything being different from what it was."  He runs one hand through his hair in frustration.  "It's so stupid.  I can't believe…I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry."  He slumps against the window and closes his eyes.  "I'm so sorry, Kaho.  I still care.  I don't want to hurt you like this."  He opens eyes that are awash with sorrow.

"I know, of course I know."  And she does know that it's breaking his heart to break hers, but it doesn't stop the truth from being painful.

He removes his glasses and rubs tiredly at his eyes.  "Spinel?  Please let the front desk know that I'll be here through today.  Ask them to send up a paper, one with a real-estate section.  We'll need to find an apartment.  It should please Ruby Moon."

Spinel murmurs in agreement from behind her and flitters past her, heading for the phone.  "I'll unpack your things."  Her voice trembles on the last word and he nods before going into the bathroom to shower.  She is lifting his green shirt from the suitcase when she hears Spinel close the door on the room he shares with Akizuki, the white slacks are in her hands when she hears the shower start.  She makes it all the way to his favorite shirt before the sobs rise out of her like a scream.  She buries her face in the cool cloth as she makes a noise like a wounded animal; shoves it away when the hot tears begin to splash down her cheeks.  She's moaning and shaking and crying like a child, she wants her mother, her father, she wants _Eriol but she has to settle for her pillow.  She curls around it, buries her face into it and weeps.  _

"Everything will be alright, Sensei."  A soft touch strokes over her hair, rubbing her back soothingly.  "For sure, someday, everything will be okay."  

She cries herself out, dozes, and when she wakes all of Eriol's things are gone from the suitcases and the room.  Her own things are waiting by her door, her airline ticket sitting on the table in the main room.  The door to other room is open and she sees his belongings, in place of all of his Guardian's things.  Eriol will stay here, with Tomoyo and Akizuki-san will be on the plane, with her, back to England in order to pack the things they left behind when they took this trip and close Reed Manor.  Kaho doesn't want to be on the plane with Akizuki-san for twenty-hours.  She doesn't want to be on the plane without Eriol.  She leaves the suite without a backward glance and she doesn't say farewell to an empty room or the man whom she loves even though he's standing by the windows watching her leave.

feeling i've been lost for years   
you can never understand me unless you've seen those tears  
~~Pain; Four Star Mary, Four Star Mary * * * 

Okay…I don't know what the deal is with ff.net but the last part of this file has been having HUGE problems with formatting during the upload.  So I've made it another chapter in mad attempts to fix it.  Sorry!  But hey, at least it's up…. And now I must thank Jo-chan for correcting my *ahem* shoddy Chinese.  Jo-chan is brilliant.  ^.^


	5. 

Li-kun was waiting for her, leaning against the gate, when she left for school.  He held two steaming travel cups and offered her one as he fell into step beside her.  "It's tea.  It's supposed to be good for muscle aches and stuff."  He muttered, handing it to her.  Tomoyo arched one eyebrow and his ears went scarlet.  "I was training yesterday.  Wei made it!  Anyway, I had extra.  You look thirsty."  He refused to look at her and Tomoyo smiled as she sipped from her cup.

"I've had this before, I think.  Didn't your mother make this last time I visited?"  It had been right around the wedding of Syaoran's eldest sister, if memory held.  "She gave the recipe to Sakura-chan, I think."  What she said was certainly true enough, though she only said it in order to watch Li-kun's face go crimson as he nearly spit tea onto the sidewalk.   She took another sip and took pity on him.  "I'm surprised to see you waiting for me."

He looked down at the sidewalk and bit his lip.  "You were upset."  He shrugged.

"Yesterday?"  She asked and watched as fresh color surged into his cheeks.  

He shook his head, embarrassed, but apparently he felt strongly enough on the subject to tackle it directly.  "You were fine last night, as far as I could tell.  You were…"  He coughed.  "I saw a lot of red and yellow. This morning, while I was meditating, you were blue."  She saw the fingers of his free hand tighten into a fist and relax.  "Blue mixed with white.  I thought I'd come by."  

She thought about what he said as they walked.  Blue and white, the Chinese colors of mourning and death; she could see why he'd have been upset.  "I spent last night with Eriol."  She told him softly.  "His plane leaves this morning.  I sent him home an hour ago."

Li-kun nodded.  "I see."  His voice was ominous and that caring made Tomoyo smile.

"You angry with him," She sounded just a little pleased with the idea.  "On my behalf."

"Of course I am."  He sighed and looked upward.  "It's a matter of honor; if you were Mei-Ling, I'd have to kill him.  I might have to anyhow."

"I invited him.  It was my decision."  She tipped her head back to look at the sky with him.  

Syaoran snorted.  "Somehow, Daidouji, I knew that.  If you'd wanted him stopped he'd be in a hospital right now instead of getting ready to get on a plane."  He turned his head to share a smile with her but she didn't look at him.  He didn't need to see her with tears in her eyes.  He must have seen them anyway.  "Damn it, I didn't think he'd be so much of a bastard.  He should have just kept his big, clumsy, stupid, wandering hands to himself.  I should have hit him harder." 

"Hit him…"  Tomoyo stopped.  "Li-kun!  You hit him because of me?"  Li kept walking and she was forced to run to catch up to him.  "Li-kun?"

"Of course I did!"  He was boiling with anger.  "But then he was so clueless and so concerned about you and I thought that maybe he was just stupid.  I thought that if he could see how much you love him, he'd come around.  And last night you out and out told him, I know you, you told him flat out, and he's…he's…I should hit him again.  Heck, I promised I would anyhow." 

"You'll do no such thing."  Tomoyo sighed, "I knew he didn't return my feelings, I always knew that.  But he loves me as a friend.  It's enough."  She wondered if she'd believe it someday soon.  Syaoran didn't seem to believe it any more than she did.

"Daidouji," his voice was incredulous, "Daidouji, we're friends, right?"

She nodded.  "We're more than friends, Li-kun."  She was the only person aside from Sakura and his family whose emotions he could read; though mentioning that fact was a sure way to make him blush; even alluding to it made him glow pink.  She smiled.

"Well, if I asked you to do with me what you did with him last night, would you?"  He caught her satchel before it could hit the ground when she dropped it and kept walking.  "If I asked you right now, today, with everything the way it is now, would you?"  He glanced at her and shook his head.  "You wouldn't.  You don't have those kinds of feelings for me and I don't feel like that for you."

Tomoyo gaped for a moment until she found her voice.  "It's different.  The situation isn't the same.  You have Sakura-chan."

He shrugged and took a sip of tea.  "He has that Teacher.  It's not different at all, except he's an idiot and I'm not."  He paused, thinking, and shook his head.  "I should be saying he's a bastard, but idiot seems to be stuck in my head."

"Li-kun, don't."  She was mortally afraid that she'd cry again.  It would be so much easier to let loose her tears if he offered her hope.

"The thing is, part of Hiiragizawa was Clow Reed and Clow was an idiot.  He didn't have a clue about that water mage.  I had to read all his journals and he kept talking about her and he never even realized that he'd fallen for her.  As for the fact that she loved him…it went so far over his head it might as well have been a rocket to the moon."  Tomoyo took a shaky drink as she listened to him.  "And who knows if Kinomoto-sensei would have ever come around to the fact that your mother had feelings for him?  And, well, maybe he's just really thick, Daidouji."

"You like him."  It was surprising how not-surprising a revelation that was.  Her mother liked Eriol, her Sakura-chan liked him, and now, so did Li-kun.

He rolled his eyes and pulled open the doors to the school.  It was early, very early; in the quiet she hadn't noticed that they'd even reached their destination, though she might not have noticed it anyhow.  "He grows on you, I guess.  He's so stupid it's hard to hate him."  He put a hand on her shoulder as they reached their lockers.  "My point is: he knows how you feel and even if he's an idiot he's got to know how special that is.  He'll have to see, sooner or later, how he feels."

It was useless.  The tears started despite her best efforts.  "He already knows.  He promised that we'd always be friends.  Nothing would change, he said."  She was horrified by the hot streaks of wetness covering her face.  "I told myself that was what I wanted!  But when he said…"  And she couldn't speak as the boy beside her folded her into a hug.

"I should kill him for breaking your heart, but that'd probably just make it worse."  He told her as she cried against him.  

"I broke my own heart."  She hiccupped.  He wasn't who she wanted, but he was comforting and familiar and wonderful just the same.

She could feel him heave a sigh.  "I'd marry you tomorrow, Daidouji, if I thought it would make things better."

"I don't think it would make Oniichan any happier if you married Tomoyo-chan instead of dating me."  Sakura's voice was serene.  "When Daddy told him that he was going to marry Sonomi-obasan, that's the first thing Oniichan said.  'Now there's another one to keep the boys away from.'  It was very sweet."   Tomoyo stepped out of Syaoran's arms and pasted on a smile.  Sakura titled her head and smiled gently.  "Ohayou, Tomoyo-chan."  She said before hugging her.  

Tomoyo sighed and laid her head against Sakura's shoulder.  "I love you, Sakura-chan."

She received a soft kiss on the temple.  "I love you too, Tomoyo-chan.  Everything will be absolutely all right.  I'm certain."

Li-kun held out a handkerchief.  "Sakura, do you happen to know Hiiragizawa's room number?"  He asked pleasantly.  "I forgot to tell him goodbye when I spoke to him yesterday."

Tomoyo gave a watery laugh and dried her face.  "You can't go and hit him, Li-kun, no matter what you promised him you'd do."  She admonished "And you can't go and kill him, either."  She looked down at her hands and turned to tuck his hankie into her locker to be laundered and returned later.  "Things will be all right."

Sakura nodded.  "Of course they will."  She held out a piece of paper to Tomoyo.  "I ran into Eriol-kun on my way here this morning."  She explained.  "He wanted me to give you this."  She smiled and placed the paper into hands that had gone suddenly numb.  "Syaoran-kun, what did you promise to do to Eriol-kun?"  She scowled.  "Does this have to do with the day you hit him behind the school?"

Li looked at the letter in Tomoyo's hands, smiled at her and then began leading his girlfriend toward their classroom.  "I promised to hit him for being a bastard.  But he's just an idiot, so I won't."  Tomoyo watched to door close behind them before she unfolded to the message Eriol had sent to her.

Don't worry, Tomoyo. I love you.  Everything will be okay, for sure.  Sakura-chan's unbeatable spell seemed to wink at her from the page.  If it hadn't been for the handwriting and the familiar paper, Tomoyo would have doubted the authenticity of it.  Her heart thudded painfully inside her as she held the letter close, absorbing the words.  The few times she'd witnessed Sakura's spell in action amazing, powerful things had happened; and seeing it now, she could believe and she could hope. It was magic enough. 

It carried her through her morning classes and the sympathetic looks and the quiet whispers.  The entire class, Tomoyo realized, must have know how she felt and when Eriol had arrived out of the blue to visit they must have thought it meant more than it did.  She was lucky, she thought, to have been sent to the office just before lunch on a mindless errand to find out about the in-coming student, it enabled her to avoid everybody.  Or maybe it wasn't so much luck as caring; Terada's eyes when full of compassion as he thanked her.  "Rika-san asked for me to tell you that she and the others will be eating by the statues today, if you want to join them."  He murmured as she handed him the file.

She nodded, not really listening, and left.  She knew he must be concerned for her when she heard him swear softly and drop the file on his desk.  Tomoyo ducked out one of the side doors and headed for a small stand of trees.  She didn't want to talk to Rika and Chiharu who were happily married and engaged.  She didn't need Yamazaki to tell her stories to try to cheer her up.  She didn't want Naoko to tell her that there were plenty of other deserving boys around the school.  She'd said all she could bear to say to Sakura-chan and Li-kun before school had started; she wanted quiet and stillness if she couldn't have peace.  She sat down in the shade and watched the sun and tree cast shadows across the ground.

"I'm an idiot, Tomoyo-san."  The voice startled her; shocked her and she looked up to see Eriol, his shadow trailing behind him, standing not more than a yard away from her.  He was wearing his school uniform and a wry smile.  "I'm such an idiot."

"Eriol-san!"  She shook her head.  "You're supposed to be on the plane to England."  It was a stupid thing to say when she hadn't wanted him to leave in the first place.

He smiled gently.  "Xiao-Lang says I'm not that much of an idiot."  He knelt down in front of her and drew her into a hug, sighing.  "He's right, but just barely."

"What are you doing here?"  Tomoyo leaned into him, into his warmth and his scent and into her own dreams.  She hoped.

"I love you.  I think the entire town knew that I loved you before I did.  Terada-sensei told me it was about time."  He laughed and she absorbed the sound.  "I don't know why I didn't know that I love you."  He told her, leaning back to look into her eyes.  "And now I'm hoping that you love me enough to forgive me for being unbearably dense and for breaking two hearts today."  He bit his lip, looking suddenly shy.  "I've got this diamond ring in my pocket."  He said and took her hands in his.  "And a ring set with amethyst, because it reminded me of your eyes, and one with pearl because it's like your skin; I think I've got a ring with every type of stone imaginable."  She laughed and he kissed her fingers.  "Some of them are being ordered in; all told, I have nearly twenty different rings for you.  If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes to one of them?"

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.  "Yes." 

_You are to me, unbelievable _

_I think of you and I just lose control _

_Everyday you show me what I already know _

You'll always be, be my wonderful ~~My Wonderful; LENA, Since Then… 

Her eyes haven't left the window since she boarded the plane and Akizuki-san has been reading Spinel's book with him, though it probably bothers Spinel to have to read so slowly.  She's watching the sun glint off the ocean when the book is snapped shut.  She looks away from the window to see that Akizuki-san's eyes have gone unfocused in the way they do when she is listening to a far-away Eriol.  

"So sweet…" Her voice is soft, barely even audible, but she hears every word.  "Oh, Eriol, Tomoyo-chan."  And listening to Akizuki say this, knowing what it means takes away what little control she has managed to hold onto.  She can't help but put her head back against the seat, turning blind eyes to the ocean view; she whispers, against her will, 'I love him, I love him,' until Akizuki-san's eyes fill with tears.  

Spinel is hissing instructions and Akizuki-san is soon handing her a pillow and a blanket to hide herself away under.  It is that unexpected, gracious comfort that calms her.  This is how things must be, she knows.  This is the way things will be now.  She can see the future spreading out before her.  In England she will have movers come and she will have an apartment by the end of the day because there is always something for rent in London.  The Guardians will leave two days later but not without stopping by this new place that she lives and she will not open the door to them; Akizuki and Spinel will leave after calling 'goodbye' through the door.   When Eriol's new stationary, the one with the evening primroses, arrives she won't open it.  She won't read the letter that comes from To-ya the week after that, nor will she read the letters from her former students because she doesn't wish to hear about Eriol and Daidouji's happy news.  She'll read Sakura-chan's letter, the one that tells her how happy Tomoyo and Eriol are with the plans they are making, how sad Sakura is that she is so unhappy and how one day things will be okay again; even if she doesn't know when.  And she'll cry again, but she'll believe it.

_And all the things that won't be_

Someday I know, I have all that I want, and all that I need  
_Everyday is better than my last darkest day_

_~~Darkest Day; Gravity Crush, Gravity Crush  _

* * *

Glossary of sorts:

Kitaku: returning home

Udon: Thick Japanese noodles, Tanuki is one way of preparing them.    
Umeboshi is pickled Ume—Japanese plums (well, they're more like apricots).  But nobody eats Ume raw, they're very sour and so umeboshi is the traditional way to eat them.

Syaoran's sisters: Da-jie etcetera are a way of calling them 'first sister' 'second sister' and so on.  I got it from Ina-chan's lovely 'Rite of Passage' because I know nothing about Cantonese.  Go read it!  Go!  Right now!  Read 'Rite of Passage'!  And now a HUGE THANK YOU to Jo-chan, who was kind enough to correct my stinking Chinese.  You rock, Jo-chan. ^.^

The song in this fic is called 'Winter Wish' and it's from the Love Hina Christmas special.  If you like CCS, you'll probably like Love Hina too. ^.^ Check it out.

Ah, the Yuki joke!  I love that joke.  Yue is Chinese for 'moon'.  Yukito's last name Tsukishiro means 'moon castle'.  Tsuki-moon, shiro-shrine/castle.  Yukito can be read as 'snow rabbit'.  Yuki-snow, Kato-rabbit.  Kero often calls Yukito 'snow bunny', or 'Yuki-rabbit' it's a pun.  The large joke is this (and remember, Clow most likely had a serious Chinese education due to his mom) There is, in Chinese legend, a Goddess who lives on the moon, Chang-O is her name.  She's there in contemplation over life's mysteries.  She's alone, except for her companion.  A white rabbit.  ^.^  Hence the 'if I didn't know better…"  Yue is in Yukito.  The moon is hidden in the mooncastle.  With a white-rabbit for company.  And Yue seems like a broody sort of guy.  It's also the reason behind Yue being the white rabbit in the Alice in Wonderland episode.  Goddamn, I love that.  It's so pun-ishly clever.

Author's NOTE: Please, do go check out the bands listed in the first author's note.  I love their music.  Also, do go check out Chelle-sama's works to keep yourself entertained (Do it!  Do it now!) while I work on more of the Third Arc series.  For more information regarding this story, head to my website (check out the music while you're there!) I'll be posting an 'introspective' on writing Haikei and Kitaku.  Somehow being this fic's bitch for seven months entitles it to make me have talk therapy with myself.  Go figure.

And apparently information got left out of 'Haikei's notes.  The fact is that these stories are cannon to neither the anime nor the manga.  Not entirely.  I've mashed the two worlds together as much as possible.   Hence Fujitaka being Eriol's other half and still having Meiling around.  Silverlight pointed it out to me and so all of you say a nice thank you to Silverlight. ^.^


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